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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, I found it hard to keep in touch with my ex as I still loved her and she seemed to have already moved on (started seeing someone VERY soon after we broke up). I told her I couldn't talk to her anymore and I went without talking to her for a month. Then out of the blue she sends me an Instant Message at work asking how I was doing, etc. I talked to her for about a minute, even though she didn't expect me to respond, and then I said I had to get back to work. I told myself I still wouldn't talk to her.Well, I was weak and I contacted her several times over the next week, generally for quick chats. However, I could see that she is still probably in that honeymoon phase with the new guy and this kind of irritated me. I sent her an email telling her how I missed her and this made her a bit angry. Immediately after she got the email she IMd me and told me we had to talk, that I couldn't keep doing that stuff, that I needed to move on with my life.I told her that was fine, maybe it was a mistake to start talking to her. She said that we could still talk to each other but that I needed to stop with the lovey "I miss you" stuff. I told her how much it hurt to talk to her basically and said that I could not talk to her anymore. She said, well if that's what you need ... (this was a lot different than before when she was more angry that I didn't want to talk than she was understanding).So here I am, missing the love of my life hoping that she'll realize the error of her ways and come back. I mean, I fully plan to focus on my life and try to get over her, but in my mind, I know there is hope..I guess if I have a questions, it's: what do I do when I see her again this fall when we're back at college? I really don't want to talk to her or see her anymore (well I do, except for the hurt), but we have the same circle of friends... Will she start to miss me again and try to get in touch? Do exes ever come back??? I know deep down that we were right from each other, and the new guy is so different from her, it almost seems comical, to me anyway, and I feel that because of her past relationship history, they won't work out.Lost and confused ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): I realise this is easier said than done, but you are lost and confused because you still have too many feelings for this girl. One in particular feeling you still have is hope, and you need to loose this to move on.
You need to accept that she won't "realize" the errors of her ways and come back. Nor will her new relationship break up. You need to accept that she might be very happy now, more happier than she was with you. Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise, it is wishful thinking.
As soon as you loose this hope, you'll feel a million times better. You'll be able to concentrate on YOU and stop putting yourself through all these horrible negative feelings. You'll be able to start pursuing other romantic interests and you'll look back on how you are now and wish you had done it sooner!
Your ex has moved on, please do the same, you deserve to be happy too. Learn from whatever mistakes both of you made from the last relationship and when you do meet someone new, make it an even better relationship.
I'm sorry this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I've been where you've been and the moment I lost "hope" it was like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders and my only regret is that I didn't do it FAR sooner!
Good luck mate!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): I think what is missing on your part is respect for her decision.
It is indeed hard to let someone out of your life when you love them with all you are. Could you be truly happy if she were not?
It is a possible future that she is happier without you being her love. This may hurt but it is a possible path.
Having her as a friend isn't as bad as not ever having her in your life.
The easiest path in life does not always bring happiness and peace.
It takes two people willing to commit to one another and make a relationship; this is no longer the situation between you and her.
I would let her go as a romantic interest and do your best to move on. To hope for a return that may never happen is fruitless and leaves you aching and empty.
Heal. Live.
I give my best to you.
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