A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear guys,I have a problem right now that I hope i can get some help with, first of all, sorry if my english is not so good, I am from Brazil.I have been in a relationship for 4 years with my girlfriend, we love each other very much and care for real, however in the past months we have been having a bit of trouble because I had to move to another country for a while because of a job offer. We have a lot of problems with the communication since internet is not so good here, and also the time diference of 6 hours is driving us nuts. We used to do many things together, and thats why we both dont have so many friends apart from us. A couple months ago, she met a guy in a festival and since then they became "good friends", she thinks he's a nice guy and, to me, he is just interested in her. I got jealous last night because they have been going out dancing for 3 days in a row, arriving home after 5 am (she's on vacations) , and we had a huge fight. I am afraid she is falling in love of him, but I am not so sure if that is only a fear that im creating. She says she is not in love of him and that nothing has happened, that she just has fun with him because he is a very nice guy and she is kind of lonely and doesnt have too many people to hang out with.They have already like a million plans to do for the coming days, they will even travel to Canada together next month, they have lunch together, even dinner sometimes. They basically spend more quality time together than she and me over Google talk. What should I do? I am a very jealous person and usually when I let it out it ends up in a huge fight and she ends up forfeiting the friendship, which I dont think is a good idea and I should not keep doing. So I told her that she knows how far she can go with it. She knows already that I dont like that at all since I'm a jealous man. I will be returning to the US in aprox. 5 months.. so there is still a lot of time ahead of us.A very important point that I wanna say, is that in the past, she has had this kind of relationships. but I cut it off before it could even develop, and she has held some kind of grudge since then. I made many mistakes with that, that's why I stopped doing it.She says that she loves me, and that he is just a friend, but lately when we talk by Google talk she doesnt have too much to say to me, like if she ran out of topics and talks to me just because its an obligation... Are my fears justifiable? any advice for this desperate man?Muito obrigado!Roberto
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): Mijo, your fears are justified. It's good that you recognize that you are a jealous person and perhaps that needs some work on your part. However, regardless of that, the fact that she is spending so much time with this guy is a problem...for you. You have two choices. You either trust her and let her do what she wants without any consideration of your feelings (I don't recommend ANYONE by a doormat) or you let her know that she is free to do what she wants but your limit has been reached and she can continue to do so without you in her life. Even if she is not cheating on you, the appearance is that she is, and that is all you have to go by for now. Good luck, friend. But if I were you, I'd start to prepare the mental groundwork necessary to end this relationship, as she does not sound like a very considerate or trustworthy person.
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