A
female
age
36-40,
*ostone
writes:Hi, I'd really like some male input on problems I'm having with my ex. Everything he does is just confusing me so much I have no idea what's going on in his head.We'd been dating about 4 years and a few months ago he broke it off after cheating on me, then that girl ( he only talked to her online) broke up with him shortly thereafter. The whole time he was saying he still cares about me and wanted to take care of me and he still wanted to be friends because of that. I didn't think I could be friends with him but the past couple months have been trying.I never call him unless it's to call him back because I don't want to be the crazy stalker ex-gf if he doesn't want me. So he calls me all the time. When we first started talking again he would call me and sob about how he was so hurt by this girl who dumped him after only a month and I tried to be a good friend and console him even though he'd hurt me 10x worse. He would be the one arranging for us to hang out. He ended up kissing me the first time then said that wasn't right to do if we're just friends. A couple of those times he wanted me to stay over so I did. Since he had said we were just friends, it was odd when he wanted to spend the whole time cuddling, but both times I stayed over this led to more. The second time I was stupid and let it go too far, then left really upset.I didn't hear from him for almost three weeks after that. Then he starts calling me again, sounding alot happier like he's gotten over his hurt. Then he comes down to visit me and gives me my Christmas present early, which was a DS and some games. I'd wanted one for a long time and he is not the type to spend a whole lot of money on gifts. I was in town again a few days later so we hung out at his house. Later he asked me if I wanted to spend the night again and I asked why. He said "I promise I won't do anything," because he knew how upset it made me the last time. But I decided no. So he asked if I could just lay with him. Then I went home. We have no further plans but he's still called me just to talk.He should know full well that I still love him, but I haven't told him so the last couple months and have been trying to conceal my feelings so as not to drive him further away. He said he didn't love me anymore and didn't want to be with me. But everytime I see him he gives me lots of long hugs and sometimes says he missed me. The way he's acting makes me think that he might still like me on some level, and I could be happy with a more casual relationship from him. He's pretty much an introvert and doesn't need people as long as he has a computer and video games, so why is he calling me so much? Why would he even want to be physical with me if I'm just a friend in his mind? Why does he want to spend time with me and want me to stay over?
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broke up, christmas, kissing, money, my ex, video games Reply to this Question
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male
reader, alien  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 i agree with uncle phil this guy is using you as a convenience or fwb ive just came out of a longterm relationship ive got the same problem its a nightmare they know you love them so can get away with pretty much anything and we usually fall for it its been hard for me but i will give you the same advice i got walk away you dont have to be physical to be a friend hope it helps getting a guys opinion thats right there with you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): You love him, he don't love you period. You don't do what he did if you love someone.
Tear yourself away or you are inviting yourself to a world of pain.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I think you should move on and not stya on a friend level wiht him even. Maybe if he misses u more he will make some kind of committment. Your setting yourself up for more hurt and wasting yoru time when you could find true happiness with another guy. Isnt it better to get the hurt over wiht then continue to get stabbed
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Without actually calling it as much, it seems you've fallen into a 'friends with benefits' type of situation.
He still likes to play with your body but there's precious little emotion involved. If you're happy with the odd fumble and bonk once in a while when he feels deprived, so be it, but if I were you I'd call a halt to it - but don't forget to say thanks for the present. If you look at this from a slightly different angle, he's treating you rather like a prostitute, ie, buy present - get leg over.
Love is certainly blind.
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