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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My wife's dad died nearly a year ago. Shes doesn't want have sex anymore. I've waiting for her and supported her ever since her dad passed away. But its driving me insane she wont let do anything to her. Its causing fights (sometimes we augured about little things to. Like who drink the milk.) Shes really depressed.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Check into finding a therapist who deals with grief management. Your wife needs to find a way for her to deal appropriately with her painful loss. Some people have a real hard time dealing with the death of a loved one and the aftershocks can surface in places that are surprising.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): Your wife has to come to agree that you must return to where you were in your marriage, because it makes sense and not because you are forcing her, and without this implying that her father's death will be undervalued or given less significance, only she cannot be in mourning for him eternally, however harsh this may sound. You tell her you want to support her, stand by her side, continue to cherish the memory of her father, but he surely wouldn't have wanted her to be stuck on this painful episode for all her life. No word serves as consolation in these cases but it's been a year, and people must pick up their concerns and their old occupation from where it was left, it's obvious she loved him a great deal but unfortunately it is all part of life. Her depression should be investigated and treated adequately for a start. Also, why do you say you fight often? The fights should be dimished if you respond with even more gentleness to her attempts to provoke fights, if that is the case. Then she will hopefully see the absurd of her situation of fighting to someone that can't be instigated! I'm sure it has already taken much patience of you to wait for the situation to change, are you sure that in your supporting her you haven't tried to hurry her to surpass the grieving, that is indispensable a phase and should not be denied to occur. Maybe(!) your wife is pushing you away because she is actually afraid of losing you too and thus trying to revoke her vulnerability towards you precisely by training herself and getting used to not being on good terms with you. Do you have children? How is she treating them, then? If you can't have a reasonable talk to her where you understand each other's points of view and try to coincide where necessary, the best idea would be to go to counselling, together. Most preferably together, otherwise she can in her mind take it as a form of separation, that already exists every time you have a fight, or presumably don't (seem to) understand her. All the best.
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