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writes: my wife like to watch porn movies as a part of our foreplay. Recently she has developed a likeing to a particular series called PLEASE BANG MY WIFE! I know she gets turned on very much while watching this . I would do anything she wanted and we are devoted to our marriage. But lately I thought about it and asked her if she wanted to engae in sex with another man if i brought one home? she never has ouitright said no , and we have dicussed guidelines on what would happen.any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): I have first-hand experience here, and I don't recommend it.My wife and I have been together for ten years, married for seven. She had two partners before me, both in committed relationships. I have, on occasion, found the idea of her having sex with another man appealing. However, I distinctly set myself apart from men who are cuckolds. I'm not looking to voyeur or sit in the room or take gratification in her having sex with the other man; it's more about my not wanting her to be restricted in seizing the moment and living her life fully, embracing joy whenever possible. I feel that as a supportive partner, I should support her in wanting to be happy.Two days ago, she called me and asked my permission to have sex with a boy she'd met at a bar while at a conference. They'd made out already and she'd invited him back to the hotel - which he was of course excited to do; my wife is absolutely beautiful and very engaging of personality - and while I was nervous (for her and for myself), I committed to my ideals and said yes.They went back to her hotel room, he was naked and in bed by the time she got out of the bathroom, and both oral sex and intercourse ensued.Well, turns out he was, as she put it, "very frat boy." Turns out that it wasn't fulfilling at all and she was totally unsatisfied with the entire affair. (Pun intended. Gotta keep a good sense of humor about these things.)She called me from the lobby after he passed out within moments of finishing, without concern for her satisfaction. Very sad.I was disappointed for her, but she was full blown upset... not at the lack of quality, but at herself. She said she'd pushed through it more because I'd mention the idea of it turned me on than anything else. I told her the biggest turn off for me was her being upset, and that nothing was ever worth it for me if it meant she wasn't happy.We agree now that the IDEA of her having sex with someone else is gratifying for both of us, but the actual act just isn't enough of a positive.Would it have been different if he'd been terrific in bed? (I don't consider myself a slouch; we have phenomenal enduring sex, are rather adventurous, and I don't feel feelings of physical inadequacy; I'm decently equipped and I'm in pretty decent shape for a 30-something. I run, lift a little, etc, eat right.) I don't think it would have. He was of similar physique, about the same equipment, but he just didn't know how to satisfy her needs. (Or anybody else's by the sound of it. Drunk doesn't always help, but this sounded very disappointing. Very frat boy!)The thing that bothers my wife the most right now seems to be the feeling of discomfort with actually doing it, feeling that it wasn't worth it and that she wasn't getting any ACTUAL need fulfilled in the act. Am I glad it happened?Honestly, I'm not sure. Part of me is glad we have empirical evidence now that has informed us that it's not something to pursue again. Part of me is disappointed for her because it was a bad lay! Part of me is nervous when I think about it. Part of me is totally turned on by the idea of her sharing her incredibly gifted sexuality with another partner. I honestly think that even if their sex was terrific, she wouldn't start wanting that instead of ours. We have a great partnership and a deep, tested love. We've been through a lot. But we've ALWAYS had awesome sexual chemistry. I don't think it has the potential to jeopardize our relationship. I just think I know her that well.So here's the bottom line: The idea is sexy as hell. The fantasy aspect is very powerful. It's great foreplay. It's excellent motivation for self-gratification. It's really an outstanding adventurous aspect of a grown, healthy sexuality between two people.The ACT just added complication, diminution, and frustration, and I think may have shadowed some of the joy that went along with it when it was just an IDEA.Therefore, I don't recommend it to people who aren't cuckolds.If you are a cuckold (a man who wants his partner to be sexually satisfied by another more dominant, often much larger-equipped, better-bodied man) then this is different for you: it's a fetish for cuckolds, and fetishes are much different than fantasy ideas.If you're a guy that has decent self-esteem and really does want his partner to be happy, and this is one of those "it comes up sometimes" curiosities... leave it at that. Don't add the complication to your life.Will my wife and I be fine? Better than fine. We'll be great. Our marriage brings us both tremendous joy. But if I had it all to do over again, I probably wouldn't have pushed the point or kept the door so solidly open, because in the act of my allowing her to seek her own happiness, she may have felt encouraged or even pushed to do it when she wouldn't have otherwise. And now it's just a weird thing. Some good, some strange, nothing really "bad" per se......but worth it? She doesn't think so. Good luck!
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female
reader, troubledintn  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 i have lived that way before and i DO NOT RECOMMEND IT AT ALL. my ex hubby was never interested in me very much sexually.. then i cheated on him because i was looking for what i wasnt getting at home. which was holding , cuddling,love , attention, sex. so i thought i was getting it from hooking up with other guys. well let me tell you i didnt . when he found out i cheated on him he wanted us to live an somewhat of an open marriage. so i did. but then in the process i met a man and fell in love with him, everything about him, i cherish the ground this man walks on. BUT now even though we met the way we did when i told him all about my past he has a very hard time with it . people do different things in life but if you are gonna go down this road please make sure your marriage is VERY strong . do not try to us this way of living as a tool to fix your marriage cuz it will not work ... good luck and if u ever need to talk let me know... troubledintn
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): I have had real life experiences with both my wife and ex before that. It sure can create some erotic moments but the next day is what you have to deal with. I agree on going outside your circle of friends but watch things closely...dangers to let them start doing one on one on there own.......to easy for attachments to start forming before everyone knows what's happened.
Monotered things closely when my wife has dated other guys
e-mail and cell calls. The guys always try to move beyond agreed boundries and take control.
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A
male
reader, Ares  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 Rufus997,
Have you ever heard the phrase, "No good deed goes unpunished"?
Whilst it is very commendable you are trying to please your wife, I would be very sure of the rules and possible outcomes prior to rushing into this scenario. Are you sure that this is not just a fantasy with your wife? Is your marriage strong enough to withstand the pressures that this will place on it?
Should you pursue this option, I would recommend some one outside of your circle of friends and acquaintances to ensure that if it goes pear shaped that only one relationship will be jeopardized.
Which ever path you venture down, good luck and I hope it works out for you.
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