A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my wife and i have been married for 12 years and have a daughter that is three. as of late my wife says that she does not know if she loves me, she is tired of taking care of me, and she is not happy. this all happened overnight, one minute things are going great and the next thing you know she tells me this. i ask if she wants me to leave and she tells me that she is not asking me to do that, it would not be fair to me. then she is concerned about our daughter saying that if i left it would not be fair to her. but her own unhappiness is not good for her or my daughter and i am concerned for my wifes happiness and my daughters. my wife says she just needs time to figure things out. what can i do to help make things better? should i leave for awhile and give her time? is me being there in the home helping any? i don't know. i even asked if she wanted to see a marriage counselor and she does not know if that would help. have i done all that i could?signedhopelessly lost Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): You need to then, along with everything else I have said and the other Aunts and Uncles, try and cut these habits, put more effort into your relationship or your going to loose her.
I understand about the smoking thing. At least show her your trying by limiting how much your smoking. See a doctor about that by yourself, or a consuellor.
As I said, you desperatley need to see a marriage consuellor. But the only way you can prove that you want to save this marriage is by quitting these habits and apologizing. You have obviously given her something to get angry about.
Everythings built up with her. Take some of those troubles off her. End them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthere is more, she tells me when she is tired of taking care of me it is along the lines of when we go somewhere (drive Long Distances) i have a problem staying awake. also when she says she is tired it is because i smoke and i told her that i would try and quit. well i have tried and tried and tried again and have been unable to do so. however she fell in love with me when i was smoking, married me when i was smoking and now she says she is tired of all the broken promises. one other thing that gets me is our anniversary was just last month and we cannot afford much so i got her a card, she was gone with friends at a bar until 4:00am in the morning on our anniversary. she told me she would call, i get a call from her friend on my wifes phone telling me that my wife was in the bathroom. i do not know what to think, not to mention that when she came home her clothes did not smell anything like cigarette smoke at all, if she was at the bar wouldn't they smell of smoke.
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male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Those things don't happen over night.
You guys need to know each other love languages, a marriage counselor can help you figure this out.
My guess, since she says she's tired of taking care of you, is that she wants you to take care of her too.
Most of the things we do for other people are the things we would like others to do to us.
EX: I go to a bar and buy drinks for my friends. I do that because I know that "I" like it when my friends do that to me.
"Where there's a will, there's a way."
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Awww mate, hugs to you.At least shes confiding it you. You have to be fortunate for everything you have for now. You need to tell her that although you are concerned for her happiness, and your daughters happiness (say our daughters in reality). You need to make it known to her that you do care about her and love her.You obviously don't think its fair. Well fair enough, but nothings happened yet and for her situation, you should be grateful that she is telling you. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong, just emphaisizing for you to be appreciative of what you have.I'm glad you brought up consulleing, as I do recommend it -marriage consuelling. Professionals have been there before with other couples, and it would be a fantastic oppurtunity to see what they have to offer.You need to make it clear to her therefore, that you want to give this marriage a shot and implore her to at least give it a go. For your marriage, and more importantly your family.You can't obviously make someone love you. You can't make someone care for you. But you can at least have a go. Be good to her. Try and talk to her. Be sensitive about it.
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