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male
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anonymous
writes: i have recently discovered my wife had an afrfair some time ago and am finding it really hard to cope with, my life has been turned upside down and i get very angry, i am finding it very hard to forgive what she has done to me, but i do still love her very much and dont want to end our relationship..... When will these feelings of hurt leave, or do i have to put up with the forever? i am left feeling very insecure, inadequate and unable to trust anyone any more.....Thanks :-)
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male
reader, StevieB +, writes (21 June 2006):
got the courage to register,thank you all very much for your help/advice so far-Please all post as many replies/advice as you can,i need all the help i can get! and i,m sure i`ll be posting more heart felt questions.StevieB Uk xxx
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (21 June 2006):
 Looking at it from another point of view, I once had an affair, after 31 years of marriage to a man who, in retrospect, I should never have been with. Not a bad man, but decades before it happened, on several occasions, his own mother told me that he was not a man who should have ever been married. We did so very young, as I was expecting his baby, and truly thought I loved him. However, with each passing decade I looked back and every 10 years I looked back and saw each subsequent decade had been worse than the last. Consider also that with two children to bring up, there were more than just my own feelings to take into account.
The crux came when, on our 30th wedding anniversary he chose to spend in Las Vegas with a crowd of his mates when for years he had always maintained that we could not even afford a weekend away!!!
So I began going on holidays with my friends after the boys grew up, and out at weekends when I met someone who made me feel like the only woman on earth... That is my story, and I hope yours does not end in divorce as ours shortly will, but do find out why she felt something was missing, fill in the void, and, who knows, this could well signal the closest, most fulfilling relationship beyond your wildest dreams... stranger things can, and do, happen.. take care and be happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): dear friend, forgive her if she was looking for a little bit of fun. i hope it was just that...if it was something more than that i am sure it will show on her face and the way she is behaving with you now. take care not to get hurt again. all the best...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): The feelings of hurt will go on for a long time, anger too, but they will be bearable in time if your wife is truly remorseful and telling you everything you need to know to help begin the healing. Only when you have talked about her affair, understood why it happened and both decide to repair the damage will you begin the long road to recovery. You don't have to aim for trust or forgiveness at the beginning, just putting one foot in front of the other and getting through each day will be hard enough.In time you will be able to rely on her again even if blind trust is gone forever. You will never get back to the relationship you had before but you can put the pieces back together enough to be able to work on a new relationship with each other. It can be done, but it takes a lot of soulsearching and hard work, some pain and occasionally a glimmer of light which will make it all seem worthwhile.Perhaps consider talking to a counsellor, they help you to feel all you should whilst you are going through this rollercoaster ride. This isn't your fault and they help you to understand that too. She may have been unhappy with something in her life but she could have chosen a different way of feeling better, she made a bad choice. I'm sorry for your pain. Time really does heal, I know, Iv'e been there and I am working through all that I have to, to repair my broken heart. You can too, be gentle on yourself, one day at a time. Sam
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