A
male
age
41-50,
*onjay123
writes:hello mates, am not sure how to go about this but il try.12 years of marriage and my wife hits me with a bomb.she had a hymen reconstruction so that i would marry her. We met in church, though am not so much of a goer i stick to my morals, was a virgin groom. Well my soon to be ex wife went out four dinner with friends after a couple drinks we all got a bit tipsy and people started talking,recalling our younger years out of the blue my wifes bestfriend asks me if i felt uneasy sitting next to the man who took my wifes virginity.when we got home without me askin her anythn she breaks down telling about her promiscous past.13 guys she slept with. I cant get over it..she fooled me into marring her.should we seperate?
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male
reader, jonjay123 +, writes (12 August 2010):
jonjay123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the replies. Hate my wife though. Shes a whore and a liar
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): Yeah, don't cheat on her right now. I'm on your side but I still think you should not rush out and do something foolish. If cheating on her is a good idea then you can still do it once you've had some time to cool down.
Besides, if this goes to divorce court, you may end up being very glad you didn't mess with other women until after you formally separated from her on paper.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): didnt she sleep with other men Before you married her? You haven't said she cheated on you. What gives you the right to cheat on her? Ppl in relationships do lie to those they love. Sometimes its over porn use. Sometimes previous partners. Sometimes it might be something as simple as agreeing that a band is good or similar. I know i only recently told my finance of something in my sexual past (and it was only a guy i kissed) because i was scared of his reaction. Her past and lies do not make it right for you to cheat. Yes, she was deceptive. But she has been faithful to you has she not? Maybe try a counseller. Sounds like you have alot to work through.
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A
male
reader, jonjay123 +, writes (23 July 2010):
jonjay123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso easy to say forgive when your not in my shoes mates, so if i go wild right sleep around and tell her ten years from now that it only happend once it will be okay? Please we dont lie to the people we love, iv moved out of the house i cant stand her cryn and begging. Can you believe what shes asking me that i should not cheat on her while am away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): The woman had a hymen reconstruction surgery.
Some of the responders here are still questioning whether or not her actions qualify as deception.
Amazing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): I discovered the same about my girlfriend. It was hard for me to deal with at first and I almost broke up with her but after 3 years it became easier for me to deal with. If you love her you should try and let it go. Eventually it will get easier to bear and you won't even think about it anymore.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 You've already called her your 'soon to be ex-wise', so are you sure the decision hasn't been taken already?
On the other hand, do ask yourself whether the love you haveshared for the last 12 years means anything. If she has been a good, loving wife to you, does the good not outweigh the bad?
Men and women both lie in relationships. Some do it to manipulate the other, some do it because they feel they would lose the person they love if the truth came out.
Weigh the scales in your own heart and decide what you need to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): while i do not think its right that she never told you, did she actually tell you she was a virgin when you married? And the hymen reconstruction, really? Ouch. I dont know if she intentionally deceived you into marrying her, do u love her? Does she love u? Perhaps she had slept with these guys before she even knew you. And once realising she wanted to be with you she decided to 'retake her virginity' as such. Noone can decide for you if you should seperate. But if she has been faithful and have a loving relationship now, why let the past ruin that? Yes its horrid she wasn't honest with you from the beginning, i would guess that stemmed from fear of you not wanting her. But if you love each other and everything is good now, i wouldnt leave her due to something that happened many years ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): It's. Just. Virginity.
Okay, MY opinion, if you can save it for the one, okay that's great, but if you don't, then that's okay too.
Don't make a big deal. 13 guys is a little much but you love her for her, not her hymen. (so I should hope)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): Obviously you married her, so you love her. She was upset about her past, so she lied to keep the man she loved. It wasn't right of her to lie to you, but she's obviously married to you for a reason. If you truly love her for who she is, then accept what she's done and the mistakes she's made. It'll definitely be hard to get over the lies, but she didn't deceive you into marrying her--you fell in love with her because of her personality and you chose it.
Try to work it out first. If you can't get over it, try counseling. If then it doesn't work out, think extremely hard about calling it quits if you want to.
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