A
female
age
41-50,
*roula
writes:Hello! I am 29 years old and 6 months earlier i met someone online. We fell for each other, we exchanged photos etc.I finally went to meet him. In the meantime I had put on weight due to health problems mostly. He had told me he never liked overweight girls.We had a great time together, everything was great! Before my leaving he told me that my extra 12 kilos bothered him and although he loved me and my character was all he ever wanted, he was in thought about us cause of my weight. He knows i am trying to lose weight, but it will take sometime.He said he felt guilty of his thoughts, but he had fallen for the girl in the photos, who was me 12 kilos less.Now we talk on the phone but he says he is confused and doesn't know what he wants from me.I don't know what to do either.I am so in love with him, like the first day! I am in a very difficult situation now.I don't want to lose him but I'd prefer he hadn't forgotten all our perfect times because of my weight. Any suggestions of what I should do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): Dear Ms,Twenty six pounds is a lot of weight gain to spring on someone unexpectedly. Perhaps, recent photos of you before you met would have been appropriate. Maybe he feels a bit duped, or deceived. Either way, I don't agree that it's a case of him being shallow, it's just his personal preference and he did tell you about that before meeting, right? So you knew about it and went ahead to meet him hoping that he would overlook your "temporary" condition. You should have been upfront about the weight gain and perhaps he may have had a different response.
A
female
reader, pomegranatejuice  +, writes (26 August 2007):
 There are some men who feel their girlfriends are a reflection of how "good" they are. Like their cars or their jobs. In general, these men are not very good lovers..they are highly critical of their partners, overly self-indulgent and as selfish in bed as they are in their lives. They aren't interested in WHO you are..just how you look. Men like this tend to offer their affection as a "reward" for good behavior. "If you lost weight, Id love you". Its a great way to train a dog, not such a good way to keep a girlfriend. Whether you lose the wieght or not, you really do deserve to listen to that little voice in your head that says... "If he loved me like he says he does, How could he forget how much fun we had together and only focus on my weight gain?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): I'm sorry sweetheart but you may need to cut your losses now if you are looking to him as long-term.........you will not remain slim and trim the rest of your life and you are putting off the inevitable, with age you will put on weight and he will leave after you are even more attached to him. Find someone that loves you exactly how you are and let his shallowness find someone that is worthy of his highness.
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A
female
reader, froula +, writes (23 August 2007):
froula is verified as being by the original poster of the question12 kilos is about 26 pounds.He knows I am trying to lose weight! He knows that I had health problems.Before meeting him I had told him I had gained some weight.He said he thought it was 10 pounds or sthg like that and that he was very surprised when he saw me and felt a little betrayed because I had kept my kilos a secret.Anyway, I see him now very confused,because I know he has feelings for me and he tries to deal with the fact that he has feelings for an overweight person! That sounds very immature and I really don't know how to handle him or what to tell him.I think he tries to earn time because in 2 months we'll meet again and he wants to see me then.But for now,he says he wants a "free" relationship,although when I tell him about other guys he gets really jealous!I want him so badly and he says he feels so bad about asking me to lose weight that I don't deserve him...
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (23 August 2007):
 Get a grip, ditch this looser, he is not worthy of your feelings.
It is the person inside not the packaging, what if you had been involved in an accident and were disfigured etc, would he go off you then.
This man is fickle and so up himself, loose weight because you want to, not for some bloke who is in love with the idea of a "perfect woman" wonder if he would like it if you said something as equally nasty to him.
Cry not another tear over this excuse for a bloke.
Move on!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): That is very sad. I am sorry. I don't know how much 12 kilos is, because I only know pounds. But I feel as though if he really liked you he would be patient & let you work on losing the weight. He knows you gained it because of a medical condition, doesn't he? If you think you can safely lose the weight & you really want him, talk to him & tell him you are really working on losing the weight & that it was not your fault you gained it. He may be afraid that you will just continue gaining weight & end up being obese.
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