A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. This might be a long story so I have tried to condense it. I feel distraught and powerless.My dad and step mum have been together around 5 years and things have gotten out of control. This woman has been married previously 4 times and my dad is the 5th. We all welcomed her into the family and my dad was absolutely head over heels for her. They got married (amazing tropical beach wedding) and had a child very quickly. (My dad is nearly 60 however she was adamant she wanted the child) This all happened under a year of being together. Now after 3 years, the relationship has take a turn for the worse.I live very far from my family and my sister rang me one day, concerned about my dad. My dad has always drank alcohol and it's something he did everynight (as some people do with a glass of wine to relax), however he has began excessively drinking and threatening suicide. The reasoning behind this drinking is the emotional abuse my step-mum is putting him through. She has openly admitted she is cheating on him. She Is taking their child to his house and making her call him her "new daddy". She's told my dad he is ugly , worthless and that he will never find anyone else and that she never wanted him. My dad is madly in love with this vile woman. He spends every penny on her and adores her. He is paying £700.00 a month on her mortgage alone let alone her food and bills , she does not work and dips into his bank accounts whenever she likes. My dad has 3 classic cars which he build from scratch which she uses to meet this man she is cheating on him with and he keeps finding his items in the car.She is even taking photos of me and my sister (children from his previous 37 year relationship) down in the house and made him cut contact with us for months (without a reason ). This woman goes out every night from 6 pm til 1am to see this man she is cheating with and leaves my dad (drunk) to look after his baby . My sister had been going round everynight to keep him company. The reason why I am so shook up is that he is now on anti depressants too . He is mixing them with drink and getting into a mess. He has stopped eating too. He has been found choking on his own vomit . He just wants to die and give up because he feels like he has lost his world. He has now moved out of the house but is still paying her mortgage and bills because he wants to for the baby. He has moved into temporary accommodation but he will not be able to afford a house for himself AND pay the mortgage on her house too! The other night he walked a few miles into the middle of the countryside at 1am doped up on alcohol and pills to my sisters house, falling over in the middle of the road on the way cutting his head open. He did this because my step-mum hit him when she got back from seeing her new man. She is also threatening to take the baby, and her new man and move hundreds of miles away if he doesn't pay for her house. She also wants his pension which he has built over many years. He is in a state because he loves her, she's openly cheating and broken his heart. She screams at him/hits him all the time and he just has no fight left in him. My family are all grouping together to help but I feel like I need to see this woman face to face and tell her exactly what i think!! No one is confronting her. My question after all this , does my dad have to pay her mortgage? He seems to think he has to ? Does my dad have to leave her a car? How can I convince him that he will move on and things will get better? Is she entitled to cut ties to his baby? Is emotional abuse something which the police can deal with? Can she have access to any of his pension ? Is she entitled to take the baby and move away and not let my dad have access? Can anyone advise me. I'm hundreds of miles away , I am helpless and I can't understand why someone would treat another person in this way... There was always something I didn't trust about her and I guess we have all found out the hard way.Thanks for reading x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 December 2015):
 My concern here is for that child with two parents who are out of control. What about your baby sister? Someone needs to be thinking of her. She is not getting cared for properly if your dad is looking after her and also drunk and taking medication. This will do him no favors at all if he is wanting custody of a child. He needs to be fit to look after her and at the minute he just seems to be drinking himself in to an early grave.
Am afraid nobody can help in this situation only your father, as it is his battle. Ideally he should seek legal advice and proceed from there. Also if he is looking to have custody of his child he needs to get himself sorted first.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2015): There is nothing you can do but be there to love and support him in a non judgmental way. Through it and when it's over.
We might not understand it but he is addicted to her and this bad relationship. On some level he is getting something out of it.
It's like an addict. They first must admit they have a problem and WANT help. Until then you are talking to a brick wall.
Been there, done that. I was your father once.
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