A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My parents split up when I was five years old and it was just me, my twin sister and my mum, left to our own devices. Anyway, when we were 12, Mum remarried a seemingly decent older man and they absolutely adored each other. 5 years have passed since then and it is absolute hell living with him. He is constantly on at me and my sister to do all the admin work for his job, expects us to drop everything to tend to his needs( we didn't get to revise for our exams properly as he wanted us to design posters for shop), works my mum like a slave in his shop,is generally aggressive nd overbearing, the most obnoxious person i have met so far. he insults my mum in public. he has made my mum work riddiculous hours for about 5 years now and I haven't seen her properly since we were 12. recently we went on a family holiday together and before ging to the airport, i had had a tiff with my boyfriend and needed my mum but every time i tried to get her attention he interrupted me and carried on talking about what he wanted to. Then i interupted him as I was getting impatient with him and he started shouting at me to get some patience. that's when all the rage came bubbling out of me and I said "I have every right to talk to my mum". big mistake, he and mum had the biggest row ever as he wasn't happy about me "answering him back". I don't know why mum wants to be with him as she quite obviously doens't like him either. And she is now telling me that she may leave him and that it is all my fault!Is it really? How can I calm things down in my house?thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): It isn't your fault and how ugly and how of your Mother to put this on you.
That statement right there tells all!!
Your Mother lacks self esteem and hasn't a clue as what love should be and because the Step Dad feels threatened by being challenged; it's both of their faults for allowing such dischord to occur and continue.
I say Mom needs to get a good grip on reality and you all need family counseling.
You also need some individual counseling.
I think what you did was valid.
Calm things down by asking that you get some family counseling. If the Step Dad laughs or scoffs then say well you are invited to join in as you are part of this family but if you don't want to come that is you choice, I still think Mom, Myself and Twin Sis need it.
Go to your local bookstore and go and find some books on anger management, parenting, coping with stress and dischord and get Mom to charge it or pay for it. Take her with you.
May I suggest a book by Stephen R. Covey, titled "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families".
Also a book by Richard Carlson, Ph.D titled "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff for Teens~ Simple ways to keep your cool in stressful times."
Suggest books for Mom from an Author by the name of Harville Hendrix, Ph. D with titles "Getting the Love you Want" and "Keeping the Love you Find" as well as a book titled " The Emotionally Abusive Relationship"
Also get Mom to visit Beverly Engel's website:
http://www.beverlyengel.com/books/index.htm
Good luck.
*hugs*
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): you are right about this man, he does treat you and your mum like dirt. it wont be your fault if your mum leaves him, she will leave him if you talk to her and say she needs to do whats right by her children. dont pressurise her, just tell her to take things slowly and then when she is 100% ready she want to leave him, she will and things will gradually get better.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (21 August 2006):
 It is not your fault. You cannot MAKE anyone do anything they don't want to do. Don't accept the blame, your Mum is a grown woman and is in control of her own actions. If she is leaving him because of the way he treats you, that's an entirely different thing and it's good that she can see that he doesn't treat you well. That decision is still hers to take and if you feel you can, make sure she knows how you feel about taking any of the blame.
In the meantime, try to stay out of their arguments. Married life is their business. But if you have issues with him, perhaps try to tackle them calmly and maturely. Also try not to involve your Mum as it seems you're taking the blame for it and this way, she can't if you acting more adult than either of them.
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