A
female
age
41-50,
*llovertheboardgirl
writes:I know it's long, but please read and help! My boyfriend has 2 little girls, ages 6 and 7. We have been together for 8 months. I feel as though he is truly my soulmate, and he feels the same. We are both the kind of people that lead very simple lives and like to keep things as simple as possible, therefore the fact that he has kids is probably a bit more challenging on us than the average person. In fact, he never wanted to have kids, just as I don't. But he had a one night stand with a woman he met one night and she got pregnant. So he ended up marrying her (there was no wedding, they just completed the legal documents) and he attempted to fall in love with her. During the 4 years that they lived together, he found that she had some pretty severe mental health issues (he found her a few times after he came home from work and she would be lying on the floor overdosed on pills, in attempts of killing herself). Anyway, believe it or not he got her pregnant again during the few times they had sex during their loveless marriage, and that's how the second child came about. Anyway, so he ended up legally separating from her 2 and a half yrs ago. She ended up moving the kids back to the east coast to where her parents live (we live on the west coast) and during the separation he would fly there as much as possible to see the children. He continued to talk to them over the phone ever day. This was not working though for her or for my boyfriend, since she can't stand her parents and wanted to move back to the west coast where her sister lives, and my boyfriend wanted to be a part of the kid's lives in order to ensure that they turn out well. So for the first 7 months of our relationship, his family was not here, and we were spending every waking moment with one another and having the time of our lives. But now, only a couple weeks ago, he moved the mom and the 2 girls back to the west coast. And I am already going out of my mind! I already miss him so much on the weekends, it's so difficult since I went from seeing him all the time to not seeing him at all all weekend. I know that his children are #1 and will come first before me. But this is a very complicated situation first off because the mom is fairly unstable (with that though he is still able to maintain a friendship type relationship with her which I think is good for her and for the children). He is extremely protective of his children though, and according to him she doesn't date and that is how he would like for it to stay since he truly believes that if she did start dating somebody, it more than likely would not be a good person for the children to be exposed to. He financially continues to support all 3 of them (the 2 kids and her). He told me that he has been meaning to file for divorce, but as of now they are still legally separated. I haven't asked what the hold up was/is since I trust that he is managing everything to the best of his abilities. My questions are: I already miss him so much every weekend, how long do you think I am going to have to wait until I meet them so that I can hang out with all of them? When we first were getting to know each other early on in our relationship he mentioned that he doesn't expect the love of his life to love his kids, since he knows that they are his kids. As far as introductions are concerned, we never went over this. And I have not pushed him for this since it is such a fragile subject, and they DID just move here a couple weeks ago. When should I talk to him about meeting the kids if he hasn't mentioned anything in a few months, etc? And I am afraid that since the mother of his children isn't dating and doesn't bring anybody around the kids that he will not be able to bring me around in order to ensure that she feels things are fair and continues to be a good mother for their children. Early on in our relationship I asked if I could meet the kids eventually and his exact response was "yes, eventually." He didn't seem that enthusiastic about it and I can understand why, it's so freakin complicated! Does anyone have any experience with a similiar situation? Anyone's insights with this would be greatly appreciated!
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divorce, his ex, one night stand, soulmate, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Megan-Leigh  +, writes (1 September 2009):
Have u tried asking questions a bout the kids. for example, do they have a favourite soccer team, or how they are doing in school. this way he will be openin up slowly 2 u. he may just need reassurene that your ok with the situation and that you admire him for been such a doting father. i think its important that you get 2 kno the kids without meeting them. then you will be prepared for when you do meet them. so its a little less awkward for all of you. (able to keep the conversation going)
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