A
male
age
36-40,
*fyoudontmind
writes:My Older sister was in love once before, and engaged. Her previous relationship cheated on her and got the girl pregnant.Now, she left that guy and met the guy she is married to now. and he is a total loser. No job, no drive, no personality. He is very drab, devoid of significance, and preachy. But, he is stable. He would never leave her or cheat on her. But she is evolving into the same drab person.She moved 3000 miles from home, has two children and we havent spoken since they got engaged 3 years ago. How can I repair this relationship?
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 September 2009):
 First, do not ever say a bad word about him to her or anyone she knows. You can have those thoughts, but keep them to yourself. She chose him and you need to respect her choice.
Second, I'd contact her and tell her that you miss her and hope she is well. Keep the lines of communication open and non-judgmental. See if you can get together sometime just as sisters. Inquire about the kids. Try to say something positive about him, even if it's simply "he's so dependable!"
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): First you have to decide if you *want* to have a relationship. If you can't abide him, don't care to have anything to do with him, then do your sister and yourself a favour and don't try. You should presume that she loves him for what he is, and doesn't care to have him criticized.
If you do want a relationship, then you accept him. Period. If you can talk to her and be uncritical, then by all means stay in touch.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (1 September 2009):
 You can't repair anything by sticking your nose in her business. She is an adult, and she is allowed to make her own decisions. If I had a sister who disapproved of my spouse as much as you disapprove of hers, I'd probably have moved 3000 miles away myself.It's not up to you to approve or disapprove of the marriage. Regardless of the man's faults he is the man SHE married, not YOU. You have no say in the matter. End of story
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