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male
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*dam20
writes: My stepdaughter saw my sister in law romantically kissing a man at a local bar. My question is do i tell my brother or do i let him figure it out himself
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female
reader, cazzy +, writes (24 April 2006):
NO!don't tell himmaybe she had had too much to drink and it was a one off, you cant be sure of anything that happened if you didn't see it yourself! people always trip themselves up eventually
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (24 April 2006):
 Firstly you do nothing on the word of another person. She could have been mistaken, yes she says she wasn't but believe me if she was you will be ostracised from your family.
Secondly you approach your sister-in-law and tell her what your stepdaughter thought she saw. Give her an oppotunity to explain herself. Your daughters perception of the situation could be wrong, or it may not have even be her!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): WOW thats a hard one, FIRST...you have to make sure that your stepdaughter is very very very sure that it was your sister in law (very important).If shes sure than ask your sister in law if she went out the night it happened (just get into a casual covo like ...how was your weekend what did you get up to?.)Then what i would do is when you and your brother are alone ask him if he ever saw your partner romantically kissing another man would he tell you what he saw? If he says YES then tell him. I no its hard your in the middle of things but if your brother fines out one day then found out you new all along then he might feel alittle pissed off if you no what i mean...good luck. (i hope i helped)
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 April 2006):
 The ethics of this situation are complex. I was once in a similar situation, this is how we (I and a friend who also knew) handled it:
You should talk to your sister in law first. Tell her what your stepdaughter saw. There may be a legitimate explanation for it. You should give her the chance to explain without being accusatory.
If it turns out that it was romantic, then you should tell your sister in law that she has to tell your brother. Tell her that she owes him honesty, which is one of the foundations of marriage.
Also (and here is the kicker), tell her that if she doesn't tell your brother, you will! Give her a few days to do it, and if she doesn't, give her one last chance and then tell your brother.
This way you are being fair on her (giving her a chance to deal with it herself), but also making a reasonable demand on her (honesty) that will resolve the situation one way or the other.
Good luck!
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