A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, thanks for taking the time to read my post, but I just needed to let off a little steam and see if I could find some well needed answers to this seemingly impossible to answer question.Well, to put a long story short, my girlfriend, who has been very sexually active over the past few years, has suddenly stated that she has no interest in sex any more. We have gone from having a full, healthy, sexual relationship, having full intercourse maybe 3/4 times a week, to absolutely nothing. Within the last month, she has given me oral, after I asked about why she has refused all my attempts at any kind of sexual advance, during which she attempted to watch the tv while she did it, leaving me to feel as though she was just doing it out of guilt, and I have attempted to pleasure her with my hand, during which attempt she got extremely wet, but did not orgasm.The first thing that came to mind was whether the hormone pill she is taking (Yasmin) has affected her sex drive, but she has taken this pill since the beginning of our relationship, and was very sexually active around this time. Then I thought it may be due to stress, seeing as she is in a foul mood constantly, and constantly seems to want to take out this anger on me.However, a few days ago I brought up a story of some porn I had watched a few days prior to this conversation, next thing I knew, she was having a go at me for masturbating, saying that it was her job to pleasure me.I mean, I love this girl, and she displays lots of affection for me in return, always telling me she loves me and how much she cares and similar things, yet I still feel a large amount of rejection from her when she refuses to undertake any kind of sexual activity with me past intimate kissing.She has always been very active with her past boyfriends, so what's happened? I know that sex shouldn't be a big part of a relationship, but let's face it, it IS a big part of the relationship. Whilst your having sex, you feel loved, you feel close to your partner, you feel as though your physically displaying your attraction to your partner, so every time I get rejected I just feel inadequate to her previous boyfriends and other men she has had flings with, like she's not attracted to me any more in the slightest, and it's starting to get me down.Now, I feel guilty about making any sort of advance, like I'm just annoying her, and making her do it out of guilt, and not out of pleasure, or a want to do it, which is also how she acts as she does it, as if she's not interested in the slightest. On the other hand, I'm scared that if I don't make any advances, the amount of sexual activity between us will decline to absolutely nothing, leaving a big gap in the relationship where the physical closeness should be.What are your views on this?
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her past, kissing, orgasm, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, pc1989  +, writes (3 January 2010):
It is her and not you. Trust me I am in the same boat. My fiance had 4 sexual partners before me (she is my first) we are both just 20 years old! Been together for 2 years and all of a suddent she stopped wanting to do anything! What gets me is she could do so much before but now that she is actually in love (who know now) she doesnt feel like it!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): You need to find a way for her to open up to you and tell you what is wrong. If she doesn't, the relationship is not healthy enough.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (25 December 2009):
 Something's going on with her, you need to sit her down and ask her what's wrong, as it seems something's on her mind or has happened to make her suddenly change xx
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