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female
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anonymous
writes: my roommate and i are both gay, and have been friends for a while. we both had feelings for each other a while back, but had relationships that kept us from taking things any further than just friends. well, recently my relationship ended, and we wound up hooking up for the first time. she told me she wanted to be with me and leave her girlfriend. but the next day, she wound up going back to her. she said she decided that she's her first priority for right now, and confessed to her what had happened the night before. her girlfriend forgave her, and they stayed together. but her actions throw me off. i'm not sure what she's thinking/feeling. i'm not sure if her actions are matching up with her words.she told me that she'd be devistated if my girlfriend and i got back together because she'd been planning on wanting me to go with her wherever she goes after college in 6 months, so we can live together. she said that she'd already planned it out for us to move to a certain city together. in my mind, asking someone to move in with you or follow you wherever you wind up after college is something people do when they are in relationships. maybe i'm wrong? she also said that she can't imagine her life without me in it. whenever we talk about what happened between us, we joke about who started it, and who's fault it was. whenever we go out, one of us pays for the other. and when we were out last night, her leg kept bumping into mine, and staying there. i mean, there seems to be some serious sexual tension there between us, and some real chemistry. and in my mind, if she viewed our hookup as a regret, and something she never wants again, why would she still be so flirtatious with me, and be planning our future together as "friends?" i just don't know what to make of everything. i don't know what her actions mean. let me know what you think. is it normal for her to tell me that she can't imagine being away from me, and wanting me to follow her wherever she goes after college? and if you don't like someone or want to be with them, is it normal to pay for them, and treat them like you're together? help me out. i'm so confused
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female
reader, doublethink +, writes (30 July 2006):
 This girl is messing you about. Maybe she's a goddess in bed, but there's no way that should influence your decision. Maybe she makes you feel wanted, sexy, needed even. We all want that, but if it's not true it's no good.Why should she be allowed to go back to her girlfriend and tell you she'd be devastated if you went back to yours? That's like the man who says he'll leave his wife. Never true.As for her planning where you're going to after college - how dare she? This girl is planning your life to suit her, not you, and it's obviously making a mess of your head.Things to do - 1. realise you're worth more than this. She won't be the only woman to flirt with you, find you attractive, love spending time with you, give you fabulous sex etc.2. say 'No'. Use statements that start with "I" - "I feel...", "I need...", "I'd like...", "I want...".3. get out of there! This is not a healthy relationship. If she wants to be your friend, and you're ok with that, then ok. But remember friendship involves give and take, and if one person does all the giving, and another all the taking, that's not a real friendship.As for 'is this normal?', I'm sure it happens loads. But it's not good and it's not on. You don't have to take it!
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (27 July 2006):
 Don't plan your life on her's or anyone else's words and promises.
Her actions are speaking volumes of truth.
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