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male
age
,
*lan50
writes: when my first wife first started seeing other men my so called best mates tried to cover things up to the point they would go out of their way to take me out so she could be with her lover the two people were my best mates or so i thought when i found out what was happening i felt betrayed by people i thought i could trust this happend quite some time ago i have since remarried but the way i have been treated in the past makes it very difficult to trust my wife but this also includes mates at work when i have misplaced something i blame every body of having it but i then remember where i left it this is something i cannot help but it ruining my second marraige to the point i have hed to move out to give my wife breathing space help !!!!
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male
reader, alan50 +, writes (30 December 2006):
alan50 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all i had a feeling of the replies i would get just realy needed conformation of what my wife has been telling me and what i have been thinking ,so i am going to take my self off to the doctors to get professional help once again thank you all have a happy new year
Alan
A
female
reader, Granny +, writes (30 December 2006):
 Hi Alan50,
Miss Irish49 has said it all so well. Forget and move on, get professional help if you must. My ex was unfaithful and for ages after the separation and divorce, friends (ha!) and neighbours would call to let me know what he was up to and with whom. It took so long for them to understand that it hurt. Now I have hardly any contact with the worst gossips and better so. Do the same.
You new wife deserves respect and attention. So do you. But you won't find it in the past. Drop the baggage of the old years, find a new life, be happy. Very best wishes. Happy New Year!
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A
female
reader, Granny +, writes (30 December 2006):
Hi Alan50,
Miss Irish49 has said it all so well. Forget and move on, get professional help if you must. My ex was unfaithful and for ages after the separation and divorce, friends (ha!) and neighbours would call to let me know what he was up to and with whom. It took so long for them to understand that it hurt. Now I have hardly any contact with the worst gossips and better so. Do the same.
You new wife deserves respect and attention. So do you. But you won't find it in the past. Drop the baggage of the old years, find a new life, be happy. Very best wishes. Happy New Year!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Well, absolute trust in one's partner is foundational, in a healthy relationship. You aren't able to trust because of fears. All due to the stupid, cruel behaviours of your 1st wife.(and some guys who were not your friends) This was not your fault. But don't force all this negativity and dysfunction onto your second marriage. Gosh, that is terribly unfair to your 2nd wife because she's paying a huge emotional price. Baggage and past pain should never have come into this second marriage. It should have been worked out and gone forever, before venturing into another's person's life. You did not bring the 'best of you' into this marriage. You know that, don't you? It sounds like this baggage has become a bit obsessional and I think you need some counseling. You need to understand that this sort of obsessive behavior is a real relationship killer. Your 2nd marriage will die, if you don't get a handle on this negative mind frame you are in. I understand that your first wife was a jerk for doing this to you. You divorced her and moved on. Give yourself credit for having the snmarts and strength to do something positive, good and healthy with your life. But this 1st wife is not worthy enough to be smack in the middle of your 2nd marriage...but you are allowing it! I do get the feeling you are a 'dweller, a worrier?' Are you? If so, people who over-worry, have little self-confidence..they dwell on bad stuff. Is this you? Try to build some self-confidence and trust in that the relationship will work. It will take time..give yourself that and ask your 2nd wife to help you. But..there is nothing you can do about the bad people in your past. Nothing! Accept that...get them out of your head and move onto a happier state of life with your second wife. If you are having trouble moving ahead, go see your doctor and get into counselling. I recommend you try a marriage counselor or a pastor..someone who has experience with helpig people over humps in life, like yours. I wish you and your wife the best...get ahold of your fears and know..there is a happier life ahead...you just have to use courage and strength to get there. Good luck, dear
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