A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice, I have just recently found out that my partner of 4 years had been cheating on me, it wasn't an complete shock as I had suspected he was up to no good for a while now. The truth was a lot worse than I had ever expected, and now I'm struggling to come to terms with his infidelity, which prior to finding out had caused me a lot of stress and heartache.I want to try and work things out, I still love him and we have a 2 year daughter together so I don't want to end the relationship without giving him a second chance to prove himself to me. I have been questioning myself, mainly asking if I'm to blame and how could someone who claims to love me hurt me in the most horrid way possible. Is it ever possible to overcome such betrayal? and do cheating men ever change?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): I'm so sorry to hear your story. It's so sad that is so common and seemly accepted in our society. I experienced some what the same situation except I had no clue. One night after 8 years I had an unreastful feeling and I ask him had he ever cheated on me. The question took him by surprise, but the look he had told it all. Finally he told me a lot of details that now a year 2 years later I wish I did not request, but to say the least we still fighting to hold on to each other. My advice to you is to do what is in your heart and ask God to lead your decision. Oh yeah do not ask him for every single detail, place, time, and so on. It can hunt you later.
A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Hi there i really feel for you. I can completely understand you wanting to try to make your relationship work for the sake of your little girl if nothing else, but please make sure it is right for you too. I don't know if a cheat can change and that is the honest answer, if he is genuinely sorry for what he did and not sorry because you found out, maybe? I think some people will cheat regardless, an example of this is my father who cheated on 2 of his 3 wives,(don't know if he has with no 3 as we don't have contact anymore)what i am saying is some people seem to get bored even with a marriage which is happy and i suppose there are some who do it and regret it instantly and vow never to cheat again. You know your partner better than anyone, do YOU feel you can eventually trust him again? he has got to start by reassuring you he would never do this again and put you and his daughter first, if he can't do that then you would be better off alone. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Hi there, a lot of people would say kick him out, but sometimes i know things are not that black and white, I know you want to give him a second chance, but sweety make him work for it, if he sees that there is no consequences for what he has done, then i can see him doing it again, he has betrayed you and what you had together so needs to make it up to you. As was mentioned before, you dont want your little girl growing up and seeing daddy going off with other women, believe we, children sence and see things that we thing they are unaware of. "is it possible to overcome such betrayal?" well it depends on both of you really, for you, can you get back the trust that is lost and for him, is he willing to work hard at your relationship and stop carrying on."Do cheating men ever change?" depends on the man, I have heard men say "what women dont know wont hurt them" some men will always be cheaters and as long as they dont get caught they will carry on. Other men, stray for reasons, was there problems within your relationship. If you man has slept with a number of women, then sorry, but i dont believe he will change. By all means, give him his second chance,if you feel you can live with what has happened, but MAKE HIM WORK FOR IT! then if he does it again, kick him out and move on with your life, just make sure he pays child support. God bless and the best of luck xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): It sounds like youre lining yourself up for more of the same. My ex husband cheated on me and i went through all the soul searching like you, wondering if it was my fault. I took him back then 15 years later i caught him again. I can't believe i was so stupid, he wasted 15 years of my life, plus the 6 before is first affair.
I've had to go through councelling and my head still isn't right. More fool you if you take him back.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2008):
Very few men change. And he won't change if you don't make him.
Kick him out and let him know this must never happen again. If you forgive him too easily then he will know he can do what he wants and you'll forgive him.
Find out why he did it. It's not your fault. If you were doing something wrong, he could easily have spoken to you about it rather than jumping into bed with some one else.
If you are going to take him back, make him work for it. Do you really want your little girl to grow up seeing her dad constantly cheating and thinking that is normal?
You have to set a good example for her.
Good Luck!! xx
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