A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 23 year old single mother. I have just gotten out of a really bad reltionship with my child's father so the last thing I wanted to do was have any kind of relationship. I know that this sounds corney, but I litteraly fell into it. The problem is that he is 6 years younger than me. And it's not even me that has the problem with it, it's my parents. Due to me ending things with my ex, I had to relocate and move in with my parents. They got a loan so I could buy a car (which is in my name) and i got a job within 2 days of moving back. 3 months after being back, I met someone. He is amazing. I knew from the first time we spoke that he has a heart of gold (I didn't know his age at that time). We hung out a couple of times and the attraction just got stronger intill we both caved. Yes, I did know his age by this point. And he knew mine and that I was a mother and everything. The thing is, he isn't like any typical teenager. He has a job and a car (even tho he is not legal to drive) and has his head skrewed on right. Maybe I am a little distracted by the blond curls, green eyes and surfer body, but he treats me like a queen. He makes me smile and always puts me first. His parents knew about me from the night he met me. I am truly in love with him. It's been a couple months and it was time for me to tell MY parents, which naturally, they freaked out. They have now turned around threatening me saying that if I don't end things with him and never see him again they are going to : 1) sell my car to cover cost of the loan 2) open a police report against me saying that I smoke weed (I used to every second weekend when I didn't have my son, since they started threatening me I stopped) 3)Call my ex and help him get full custody of my son (who is oh 2 by the way). Ooh.... Andfor the record, my parents are the type to put a tracker in my car (which they did about 3 weeks ago, and have me tailed. They are always asking questions to see if I am gonna slip up or mix my story up and they are the kind that will just randomly pitch up at my mates house to make sure I am there. Question: Am I being stupid for wanting to fight for this relationship? Should I just end it so I can keep my son? What do I do? Any help would be amazing.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 December 2016):
 He obviously does not have his head screwed on when he is driving about when he is not legal to do so. Look you need to start concentrating on your sons life. I really don't blame your parents in the slightest. They are worried for you. They also love you. The have put a roof over you and your sons head, brought out a loan for you. Do you pay rent? Childcare? Bills? You really need to see how lucky you have it. A lot of single mothers struggle to get by on a day to day basis with no help from family. Be grateful.
On to your boyfriend off course they are worried, you are an adult now, a mother. This guy is a teenager and is way to young for you. Do yourself a favor and end things before your son gets taken away from you and you end up homeless.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (13 December 2016):
 6 years is nothing at 27 and 33, but it's worlds apart at 17 and 23. He is a boy and you are a woman. You should not see him as dating material and should allow yourself to get so carried away.Yes, your parents are strict, but they're treating you like a child because you're kind of acting like one. Teenage girls fall for heartthrob 17 year old boys, not mature 23 year old single mothers. He also owns a car that he's not legal for, which is irresponsible and can't be used to show maturity.You need to be single while you set yourself up independently and then date guys your own age. Focus on your child first and stop contacting this boy.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 December 2016):
 I agree with the others.
Your parents see too much instability in your life and now you're dating a young boy.
However mature he may seem, and may even be compared to his peers, he is still a teenage boy.
As long as you're reliant on them (or anyone) to help support you, you do have to consider how your actions are perceived. If you'd moved in with a good, wise friend instead of your parents, they'd be thinking the same things about you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2016): I have a feeling your parents would do this if your bf was your age, six years older and so on. I'm betting they were strict when you were growing up and you couldn't wait to live out. Shortly thereafter, you got pregnant, smoked weed and did all sorts of things you couldn't do growing up. Hey, maybe weed and sex were the worst of it. Maybe most of your "rebellion" consisted of spontaneously meeting a friend for coffee or wearing jeans and skipping church. Who knows...But lo and behold, you got pregnant. If I'm right (or close to right) about your upbringing, that explains a lot. I've noticed that it's the "good girls", usually the sheltered type who get pregnant and come with their tails between their legs. That's in part bc they frequently don't know what they're getting into.I'm not saying you were/are that clueless, but if you had your kid at, say, 20, got pregnant at 19 years and three months, moved out at exactly 18... the relationship w the father escalated quickly. I'm assuming the timeline among other things but I'm thinking it's close. That says you jump into relationships so quickly that you don't have time to notice red flags.You said the relationship w the father was bad. How? Sexual assault? Pressure or corrosion? Manipulation? Threatening to tell your parents/the police/CSB on you if you didn't stay? Threatened to take the kid if you left? I'm betting so. He probably essentially said, "stay here so I can control you and make you miserable. If you try to take the kid I'll ruin you."Sounds like your parents are using your child as a tool to threaten or shame you into submission. Who would you prefer to submit to then? Your parents or someone who could KEEP you pregnant?For now, PROVE you're an adult. Stop smoking weed (you did but they probably feel you'll start up again as soon as you move out), LET them track your car WITHOUT complaint. Consider that a gift: it keeps you honest. It gives you a chance to prove you have no intention or desire to do anything they wouldn't approve of. Don't go see friends, ask PERMISSION to have them over. Don't date, don't pick up guys. That's in general: until you have lived ON YOUR OWN for several years, don't date anyway. Offer your parents for now nothing but absolute transparency. Don't make a decision without asking their thoughts on it.Prove yourself. Even when you move out, give them an extra key to your place and an open invite. If you're lonely and in need of attention, cuddle your kid. Volunteer in a church or synagogue or whatever nursery. Seek out a mentor mom and befriend HER. Instead of flitting with guys, playing on the Internet, or acting "child Free" on every other weekend, offer to do something for your parents. Time to grow up.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 December 2016):
 He is 17, and way too young to be involved with a woman with a child ...
You say your parents are the type to put a tracker on your car .... they are also the type to take you and your child back in, to support you through your breakup, they type who take out a loan to help you get a car.
And here you are, a mere three months after getting out of a bad relationship and having to move back in with your parents, have you considered they may view your being in love so soon as a case of from the frying pan into the fire?
Somehow I doubt it.
Another question I have for you, who looks after your 2 year old when you are at work, or out falling in love with boys of 17?
You are a parent yet your behaviour suggests you are anything but an adult making adult decisions. Its possible your parents threats are the only way they can see to get you to see reason and start making responsible decisions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2016): If were your father then I'd be very unhappy that my daughter, a 23-year-old unmarried mother who just got out of a bad relationship with her loser baby daddy and so is now financially dependent on me, has taken up with a 17-year-old by whom she could easily get pregnant with yet another kid she can't support on her own. I'd be very concerned that you've become so quickly infatuated with a good-looking, smooth-talking boy toy who tells you what you want to hear. I'm guessing that's what your ex did to weasel his way into your affections, your life and your bed. And that suggests to me you didn't learn anything from your previous experience and so you are very likely to repeat your mistakes. Your focus should be your son's well-being and to that end you should be devoting your energies to becoming financially independent so you can provide him with a stable home of his own. Your love life should be the least of your concerns. If you get your priorities in order and start acting like an adult then maybe your parents might start treating you like one.
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