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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am glad I have found this site.I have been obsessed with my bf's ex ever since we first started going out. We have been together 10 months now and he moved in with me quickly.I love him very much.This week I have deleted my facebook to stop myself from looking at photos of them.My obsession has turned into depression, I have now got to the point where I do not know what to do.My b.f and his ex are friends.Even though he hates her for screwing him over with money. She is not better looking than me, she does not own her own house or have a better job. However she is exstremely intelligent witty and funny.Every time I go out she is there around us. She constantly wants drunken chats with me in the toliets.She wants us to be friends. She is friends with all my b.f's friends.When I'm around her I feel worthless, I'm very quiet, I try to smile and be polite. She is very direct and loud in your face. I feel completely drained but I put on a good show of not caring.My b.f has ADHD, this often means that he says things without thinking.This may have been the start of my obsession.When we first got together he constantly chatted about her, the things they have done together, their sex life.I listened to descriptions of snorting cocaine and viagra whilst in bed. It made my stomach turn, I never said anything. Previous to my b.f a year before I went out with someone for three years who I trusted. He cheated on me with two of my good friends and also his ex.His ex stayed in contact with me and claimed that he raped her.As a date rape victim myself I fell into dark depression.I also found out a lot of my friends knew about it.This led to a me wanting to disappear from the world.It took me around a year to re-build my life. I felt confident, pretty and happy again.When I first started dating my boyfriend it did not bother me that he was friends with his ex.Maybe it was because I wasn't in love with him.I know what has happened in the past has given me a warped view of things.I have become very quiet around my b.f.I cry most mornings now when I wake up. I do not want to go out because I know she will be there.Eventually I exploded and went crazy at him at a party. He has been kind and considerate ever since and tries not to mention her. He has promised me he has never cheated on anyone and never will. He loves me and since I went mad he avoids seeing her.However this means avoiding some of his friends which I do not think is fair. So I encourage him to go out and resent it secretly.Recently he said he would always have a bond with his ex because she had an abortion and only they understand that.I resent the fact I could never be friends with my ex. I resent his friends for constantly talking about her. I hate the fact I compare myself to her. I hate the fact I think they had better times.I do not feel like mysef again and I don't know what to do?Even though I love him and have been happy, I keep thinking about finishing it. This would stop my crazy obsession, I would not have to worry about them, but I would loose the best thing.
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abortion, cheated on me, drunk, facebook, his ex, money, moved in, my ex, sex life, viagra Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): You still have things from the past crawling inside of you. You've been through a lot of rough stuff. You think you healed because you stayed for a year in your bedroom thinking about what went on or trying to forget about it. But what you really did was to create defense mechanisms to cope with it and continue your life; but you are still very hurt.
I think that boyfriend of yours is really a jerk. I feel he was still in love with his ex and you are like a rebound relationship for him. What's wrong with him? Talking about his sexual experiences with his ex in your bed?? That's soo disrespectful (I don't support pre-marital sex by the way)
I don't think exe's should stay friends. If you had the closest most intimate relationship with someone and it sucked Why would you want to keep that person in your life for?
Obviously the excess of information you had from his previous relationship, plus the innecesary pictures and the fact that your ex betrayed you with 2 of your closest friends are reasons enough for you to feel overwhelmed.
It must be hell. His ex is always around as a reminder of what went on between them. It's like a threat for your relationship too. Also, it's obvious your bf dumped her because of what she did not because he stopped liking her.
What stupid excuse that of the abortion! It's sad because it was a life but What's wrong with him? "It's something that it's going to tie us together because only she and I understand" WTF! Does he wants to pay her abortion/child support or something? That's a red flag because that comment was made so you would understand that he has no plans of forgetting about her ever.
It seems to me he is kind of proud of the relationship he had with her. It's almost as if he was trying to make you jealous on purpose to inflate his ego or something. And even if they are not seeing each other right now it doesn't make him any better because he already did a bunch of insensible stuff to you that proves he is a jerk at heart. Why would you want to wake up every morning beside that kind of person?
I think those are a pair of inmature idiots. I don't think this is a healthy relationship for you. I think you should leave him.
You must first let go of the emotional baggage you've been carrying in order to be make good decisions when it comes to chosing partners. And you must get to know yourself first and build your self esteem in order to be a good partner for a future husband.
It would be very beneficial for you to consider therapy. Check self-help books too to raise your self esteem and to deal with your traumas of rape, rejection, and betrayal.
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