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*andyman44
writes:Good Day.Five years ago I met my present wife and after a short time she moved in with me and we married shortly afterwards.Unfortunately between my wife and I meeting and living together,my daughter was the subject of abuse by her partner,and I brought her to live at my house.She had lost all her possesions and money and could not afford to get her own place.The situation between my daughter and my new wife was for a short time OK, but the situation quickly became intolerable for my wife due to my daughters continued presence in the house.Ater 8 months my daughter moved out and the situation became tolerable,but there was and still is no love lost between them.Since that time my relationship with my wife has been mainly very good,but now another situation has started to disrupt our marriage almost to the point of divorce.My wife has a very good job that involves her being away from home from Monday to Friday,and we only see each other at weekends.My sons work brings him to my house on Mondays,and we eat dinner together and he stays in the spare room for that night.My wife has now stated that she no longer wants him to be here with me even though she is absent from home,and states that she cares nothing for any of my children. I always make her daughter very welcome and treat her as my own daghter.I am trying desperately to understand my wifes feelings on this but I feel lost.My wife is a very strong person who has always been the family leader,but has little affection for her family except for her daughter who is the light of her life.There are many more factors but I have outlined the once that disturb me most.I hope that you can help and give me hope.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): I am sorry this is distressing for you. You sound like a supportive, loving Father. I get the feeling you you assumed that the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with will embrace your family, as well. Your wife owns this problem and it has brought much heartache to you, as a result. She is an adult so she chooses how to react to your adult kids. Have you spoken to your wife about this problem? Have you both tried to resolve the issue? I am trying to say, that communication is crucial and if she's not responding to your wishes, then there is a deep respect issue going. If you have told her, how unhappy her behavior makes you feel, and she doesn't care less, it means that she is very self-absorbed and could care less about how anyone else feels. A loving, supportive wife would know that family is important to her husband, therefore she would want to do everything in her power to gain the love and respect of his family and if she can't do that...she will still make the best of it, for his sake. I think you and your wife should seek marriage counselling, over this or this issue will blow your marriage apart and cause deep resentment, on your part. (it sounds like you are embittered already due to her actions and behaviors) If she still can't see her way to showing some tolerance, at best, for your kids, you must weigh the consequences of your decision to marry a woman who wants nothing to do with your family. Simple as that. Try talking maturely, lovingly and calmly. Let her know how her behaviours are affecting you. If she still refuses to acknowlege your children then you will have to decide which has more value to you, your marriage or your family. Only you can make that decision. What a tough quandry for you, hun. Do what makes you the happiest..but if it were me...I wouldn't give up my kids! good luck hun and keep us posted.
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