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female
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*leasure_pain
writes: Hi,I have recently got married and my husband is away in another province working,anyway,I happen to remember his email password and I thought i would check to see if he is in to anything he should not be and I have found that he has sighned up on Sex singles and another dating site,looking for women and asking them to send pics and stuff,he doesn't use his own pic of info ,but i still think its cheating...i have yet to confront him but its really making me feel depressed considering he posseses his love for me daily...what can i do?really need help in PEI
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2006): leave him, dirty stinking lying cheat. Do his marriage vows mean nothing?? I have recently got married, and my husband and I are going through a really bad time (we lost a baby last year) but through all the crap, I KNOW that fidelity isn't an issue and never will be. Do something for yourself...get on with your life separately.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): Don't you get it? He is your husband, the man you married-the man who took vows with you. A man who promised he'd always honor and respect you. A married couple are best friends and lovers-they shouldn't have secrets-you shouldn't have to keep checking up on him! Why don't young people your age not understand the meaning of committment and marriage? Not all married men are like him..you seem to have married a dud.
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female
reader, pleasure_pain +, writes (7 February 2006):
pleasure_pain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you input..I dont want to tell my husband that i know his email password because I will keep wanting to check so I dont know how to confront him without revealing that I check his email. Its annoying that I have to keep checking up on him,why can't men ever be satisifed!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2006): i totally agree. i've got the same problem. i found out recently that my fiance has been posting ads on dating sites. the earliest one was for november 2003. we'd only been together a couple of months then! but, although he keeps saying he wants me, etc, he has recently signed up on more sites. confronting is a start but my fiance lied about it all and seems to think there is nothing wrong! so you need to tell your husband that it is not right. some men just do it for fun. it's something they can do on the computer and is like playing a game to them. i think, in my case, my partner has become addicted to the computer. when he can't find anything else to do on it, he will visit these sites. make sure this is not happening to your husband. explain to him that you don't understand why he is prepared to ruin your marriage before it's begun. i started checking my partners emails because i had seen dating sites on the internet history. the problem then was that he changed his password and everything as he found out that i'd been looking. to me, this makes things more suspicious and makes me trust him even less. you need to take notice of your husbands reaction then go from there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2006): You do it face to face, with the evidence in hand. Good luck, hun and be strong.
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female
reader, pleasure_pain +, writes (4 February 2006):
pleasure_pain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who wrote ,It really helped me to see things clearly. I have another question..he is away working and should I confront him on the phone or do I do it when he comes home next week emd?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2006): I am sorry you have discovered this horrible betrayal of his. I am in total agreement with the agony aunts on this one. This is very serious. You need to compile the evidence and lay it all out for him to see. Then ask for an explanation. He is the other half of this marriage and he went over the boundries. He is on dating sites, trolling for women under a false name. He might say he was curious, but he purposely was putting the relationship at risk by contacting other women. It could've been just a matter of time..and one of his 'contacts' would've met up with him, in real life. But for now, the psychological implications in my view is, emotional cheating, on his part. I always have believed that a gut instinct is the most powerful indicator of a partner up to no good. Many who post on this site may come back at you and question you for 'invading his privacy". I view this matter differently. No matter he behaves indignantly about this invasion of privacy, you stand your ground. His dating site profiles speak loud and clear on how he invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries, in the first place. For you to have done this..you sensed he was up to something.He shattered the 'trust' and he broke the contract of the marriage. In a nutshell, it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity. So make him own up to what he did.
You have some big thinking to do here. Do you stay or go? Only you can decide that. Marriage counselling will help with trust building being the main focus because this will be a huge issue in the future of this marriage if you don't get it resolved. Please stay well and be strong. I wish you luck, dear and take care.
Hugs, Irish
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (3 February 2006):
 The first thing that tells the there could be trouble is that you thought you needed to check his email in case he is in to anything he shouldn't be, usually people that trust their spouses don't feel the need to do that. I don't know if he has ever been unfaithful in the past, but some part of you is feeling suspicious so he must be giving you reson to doubt him. Second, the fact that you are newly married and he is already trying to get pics of other women is very unsettling. If I were you I would confront him on this, you need for him to know that you know and that you are not going to tolerate this behaviour in your marriage. You may need to seek some form of marriage counseling or couples therapy to get to the bottom of his problem, and learn how to trust him again once this is all over. Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2006): Well, confront him and keep your cool. This is a serious sign of early infidelity. There is no excuse for this stuff and the love is missing already from his part. You might need to keep record of this sign up in case things won't work out in the future. Like save his account number, screen name etc. Trust me, people cheated on me already (not married yet) but this will hurt more if you tolerate it.
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