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anonymous
writes: Hi, How do you learn to trust again? Im with a lovely guy, he treats me well,and have a great relationship with him. We have been together now for almost 11 months.A while before i met my new guy, i was in a relationship that ended when i found out that he was cheating on me with my friend, he was textin her and seeing her while i was with him. Also he used to criticise me all the time, make comments about my weight that kind of thing (im a size 14 so hardly over weight) but all the same it started to get to me and then when i discovered the cheating my self esteem hit an all time low.My new guy has never given me a reason not to trust him and knows about what happened in the past, he knows that i am insecure and understands why.I just cant seem to let what happened before go, i constantly worry that he will find someone better, for example tonight he has gone to see a freind and they will have a night out.Im sitting here worrying that he will find someone else, imagining all sorts, getting myself wound up, upset and its making me unhappy. I dont ever say anything to him and im not possessive, i realise this is my problem and keep it to myself.Im tying myself up in knots, i know that its just cuz i love him so much and i am scared of losing him.I just wish i could stop my past interfereing with my future.But hw do i go about letting that happen. Any ideas would be great.Thanks for reading, sorry its so long.K
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2005): Wow, that pretty much sounds like me. I caught my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years cheating on me, and I left him that night. That was almost a year ago. I have tried dating a few people. I always find little things to tell myself "no,he's going to hurt me" and I break up with him. And after doing that to about 5 guys, and sitting back and looking at the situation. They weren't really that bad of guys and the reason was stupid. Then I realized I hadn't forgiven my ex yet. You have to forgive him. And tell yourself that not every guy is going to hurt you. And as long as your new man understand the circumstances, knows why you are scared of getting hurt, and he does everything to support you and show you he's not going to hurt you, then you'll be fine. Just remember that your new man isn't your ex!
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