A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I overhead my mum tell my aunt that I could be difficult and she'd be surprised if I find a man to cope with me. It's the first ive heard about it, to me she says I'm lovely, just Mr Right hasn't come along yet. I was so upset to hear their conversation, we had an argument about it and she denied saying it, then she admitted it but said she did not mean it. I thought she was my friend, we're really close so it hurts so much if this is what she really thinks, as perhaps she is right. I've had such a difficult year and she knows it but I thought she suppprted me, now I feel that Ihave nobody who supports me after all. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, just.me.  +, writes (5 May 2013):
I know how you feel. i've had similar experiences with my mom. (she has the bad habit of shooting her mouth off about people. i've over herd her say so many things that i just stopped confronting her...I'm guessing that you didn't hear the whole conversation? Perhaps you heard what she said, got offended, and just shut down. (That's certainly how i felt.) We shut down our emotions to protect ourselves. but by shutting down, we can sometimes stop ourselves from looking at the situation from all the angles. I don't know about where your from, but here, stuff like 'she doesn't have a man because she's difficult' or 'she may never find a man that can handle her/cope' is said quite often. Mothers are very special people and we (or at least i) can't help but to take what she says to heart. Sometimes, this tendency causes us to take what she says to seriously. When you heard this from your mom, you might have thought that she meant something was wrong with you and that's why your single. She could have just been spouting off some old saying or joking. my mom used to say that about me a lot, but she just meant that i was strong willed. (a trait that she actually admired despite making fun of it.) however, that was harsh. and joke or not, it wasn't appropriate to say that.If you've been going through some difficult times for a while, you maybe a little short tempered/on edge. If you've been relying on your mom for comfort, you may be snapping at her and not realizing it. At the very least, you're probably revealing a very tense/tightly wound side of yourself. people are like wells, and if you keep drinking from the waters of their kindness, it will get low. maybe it would would be a good idea to replenish those waters by doing something nice for her. by doing this you also can show her a more fun loving side of yourself. it would also put some of your fears to rest by reminding yourself that their is more to you than just a 'difficult' girl. also, your mom probably denied saying it because she either didn't remember saying it, or she was scared of hurting your feelings. if your mom supports you as much as it seems, then she certainly loves you and thinks that your worthy of love. when my mom says stuff like that, she is just mouthing off. different guys like different things in women. and i'd be willing to bet that your mom knows that their is a man out there that would do more than just 'cope with you' but admire your feisty spirit. i can understand why you feel so hurt, even betrayed, by what she said. if you still feel that way, then maybe you should talk to here again when your not so upset. i'd be willing to bet that she still wants to support you the best we can. good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): Dont stress out on that , you are the only one who knows yourself better than anyone and so are you what she says you are if yes then a little change will perhaps do some good , if you are not what she says you are why are you worrying at all shes not the one you are going to spend your life with right .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): The only one who is going to have trouble coping with anyone is your mother when her future son in law takes a strip off her hide. What a horrible thing to say. Remember the past doesn't have to equal the future. Many experts in all fields of psychology believe that the people who turn out the best in life are those who have had difficult issues and problems but have worked through them. They become better listeners , more compassionate and are able to interpret information a lot better and are one of the best people who can deal with stress and hardships in the future. I think you have to say good bye to mommy and get out of her clutches as soon as you can so you can wake up to a man each morning beside who will really care and love you and accept you for who you really are. You asked for help from dear cupid and that is a good start. Now take it to the next step. Map out your future and your new and improved life and get to it. All the best xoxo
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