A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really need some atwise. my mother inlaw has a say basicly about everything in my marriage. Well i wanted to do something for fathersday because my husband is a new daddy. I told her we are going to be at at home and im preparing a suprise for him from my daughter. Now she phoned him and said im going to fuck everything up. my husband screamed at me and didnt talk to me for a week long. He treated me like im nothing didnt even say sorry today he said he is going to some friends when he comes back i must be ready we are going to his moms place for the weakend. This has come a long way. to make a long story short i wanted to name my baby girl after me and a name my husband choose so she said no she doesnt like my 2nd name so my husband didnt name her both names at the hospital. i asked when we return home i just wanted to bond togther him and our little baby girl for the first week. my parents said they will come visit after 1month so that we can get the routine going ect. So his mom shows up 2 days later at the door we have to go to them for two weeks, i told him please let us just stay 2 more days at home i just came from te hospital He says No we are going and its Final wether i wanna go or not, he is going and taking the baby with, so i went. She complains how i dress, how long our baby sleeps even when i bath our baby, i told her i wanna bath her at the same time every night so that she has a routine. No you are suppose to change her clothes atleast 5times a day wash her 2times and bath her before its night time and guess what my husband agree with her en he gave me hell for 2weeks telling me how pefedic i am and im not worthy of being amother i am useles and i should rather just Fu.. of. I never complain or ask for anything all i do is cook and clean, when i said im not a maid he hit me. Everytime we go to his parents house i have to cook and clean there and when they drink i have to pour new drinks in for them also. He has a brother now and hes gf she does nothing just drink with them, i asked her once please help with the dishes she says im not feeling well. So he's mother says its ok go and lie down a bit she will do the cleaning guess what after all the cleaning is done she feels fine.Our daughter is only 3months old so i spend time with her also or try to but when im at his parents place they bad mouth me and i can only feed her, other wise his mom complains and says im spending too much time with our daughter and i told him if i wanna spend the whole day with our baby i will he hitted me and told me stop that let my mom hold her and you are wortheless. What am i doing wrong? i do not smoke or drink, i just want what is best for my baby girl and my husband is defending his mom all the way. I know if he will choose between me and his Mom he will go for his mom it is as if im in a marrage with his mom he tells her everything about us even that he hitted me she just bad mouthed me :-( Please what should i do i dont want him to loose his Temper with my daugther nor let his mom turn her against me when she is older. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Your husband is abusive to you, and clearly he takes after his mother because she's abusive to you too. you should leave him, I know you have a baby but this is no way to live, it would be better for you on your own with the baby than on your own, with the baby, and your abusive husband and his family. You're already alone right now. just that you also have interference and abuse to deal with.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 June 2011):
 I think you need to get out of this marriage. He treats you like dirt and I think his whole family just see you as a slave and use you. I think you need to get away from that or you will never be happy. I know it is scary thinking on being a single mother but you really need to get out, to protect yourself and your baby girl. The best thing that you can do is to contact your parents and tell them what has been happening to you, maybe you could go and stay with them for a little while until you are back on your feet. Talk to them and tell them everything and hopefully they will come to your rescue. You need to protect your baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): I don't know if there is a cultural element here or not, but I cannot see a justification for this kind of behaviour.My best advice would be to sit down alone with your husband and try to explain to him that he swore to be there for you, not his mother. It is YOUR child, not hers, and if he disagrees with your methods he should discuss things with you, not her. If she wants to offer advice, you can consider it, but should have a choice as to whether or not to do it. The physical abuse has got to stop immediately. While it seems drastic, inform him that you will not tolerate any further physical abuse. If he hits you, my suggestion is to move out (family, friends) for a while and give him one last warning from a distance. If he seems repentant and you believe he will change, the choice is yours to give him a chance. If you do not, seperation and/or involving the police may be required. Unfortunately once a man gets in the habit of using physical violence as an answer to anger/stress/etc then they tend to resort to it more and more often. I am afraid this behaviour may spill towards your daughter as she grows, and no child should have to be punished that way.The psychological abuse is even worse in some ways. The fact he is not protecting you and is indeed participating in his mother's assault on you does not reflect well on his view of you as an equal. He is either taking you for granted or may feel tied down. Either way, he needs to understand that he needs to support you and help you, not make your life harder. If he is unable to change, you and your daughter may be better off without him. An abusive relationship is the worst one.Your only responsibility at this point is the well-being of yourself and your daughter. I hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): The only things you've done wrong are marry a mama's boy from a dysfunctional alcoholic family and then have a baby with him.
You must have known what he and his family were like before you got married, why didn't you ask for advice then so everybody could have told you the obvious: DON'T MARRY HIM.
If he hits you and he drinks your daughter is not safe with him. Get out now and get counseling now.
Too bad you've already brought an innocent child into the world with so much baggage. She's only three months old,
consider doing what's best for your daughter by putting her up for adoption so she can grow up in a stable home with loving mature responsible parents and grandparents before she suffers any permanent mental or physical scars.
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