A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Aunties! I need some family advice please.My uncle has lived in America for the past 30 years whilst me, my sister and my mum live 20 mins away from my grandma.My mum has done a lot for my grandparents over the years. When my grandpa was dying of cancer back in 2008 my mum and the cancer nurses looked after him at home for the last 10;weeks of his life. Since then my mum has halved my grandma downsize to a new home, manage her finances, takes her shopping, does all the outings such as doctors, hospital, hearing aid specialists etc etc. Last summer my grandma has a stroke and my mum now goes in twice a week with groceries and overseas her general care (although we do have a career also go in once a day for an hour as my mum works). My mum is at my grandmas beck and call.In return my grandma pays my mothers rent since for the last 6 years since she was divorced.However, my grandma is reasonably wealthy and this rent is also being logged and deducted from my mothers share of inheritance.I don’t feel that this is fair. My uncle does nothing to help except call my grandma twice a week. He visits once every four years. When my grandma dies this money will be a nice to have for my uncle who already has a nice lifestyle. My mother on the other hand was widowed and then married again and had a divorce from a hustband who left her with nothing. She’s in her mid 60s and working as a cleaner. To her this would mean some security in the years to come.Am I wrong to thing this way. It’s really bothering me. My grandma is quite difficult sometimes and it’s not a conversation I can really have with her but I don’t think the situation is fair.I know my mum feels resentful to my uncle.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): But your mother has the best thing ever.She has her mom.Love does not cost money.What I would give to have just one more hug from my mom.I lost her over twenty years ago.You are young so you do not get it yet.She might complain about taking care of her mom and about the money but it is more than not just venting from the stress of watching and helping her mom.It is hard watching and taking care of someone you love so much when they are sick.Your uncle will never have the loving bond your mom has with hers.Help your mom so she can be with her mom more.Your mom is a good person.Learn from her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): Even when it's promised or expected or even written, things change, sneaks pilfer, legal stuff blocks, change of mind, anything can occur. I had my inheritance taken right from under my nose and there was nothing I or my family could do about it. Forget all about it, always plays out ugly in the end (if you let it).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2019): What is just has nothing to do with legal justice. Of course that everyone has the right to dispose of his/her assets as he or she sees fit and that nobody is owed anything but I don't think it is fair for one child to abandon his parents and then to come back and pick up the cream. I grew up without a father and was an only child, so what little my mother had we shared and I learned to work for a living. But around me I have witnessed all sorts of injustices. Mostly fathers disinheriting their children (the ones they never took care of when they were supposed to) by putting everything they own on the name of their latest Mrs Whatever.The problem is, your grandma has been financially helping your mother. So, in a way as Honeypie has said, she is being paid for helping her out.One other thing, I see that you are in your thirties. I don't want to pretend that I do not know how hard life is these days and that many young adults are finding it hard to be fully independent. Where are you and your sister in all of this? Can you help your mom financially?I'm not being provocative. I have also learned that sometimes people do not even get their legal share of whatever inheritance they may be counting on. So be ready for the worst. Life is NOT just.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (6 May 2019):
 I second Honeypie on this one.
This is an issue to which you should NOT talk to your grandma or mom about, as the inheritance doesn't affect YOU personally, but is between those three (well, actually just TWO -- your mom and your grandma). I know your mom is venting to you, which is why you know about these things in the first place, but you will benefit the most by not being a part of it.
No one is OWED any inheritance, ever. If your grandma felt one day like changing her will to give all of her money to the Donate to the Spotted Owls charity or something, that's her right, because the money is hers. If there was no will,then the laws of the land would dictate who got what out of her estate.
In the end, your mom doesn't do all of these things for her mother because she's wanting inheritance, and I think your grandma believes the same, that inheritance isn't about who's trying to get on her good graces in order to "angle" for a larger piece of the pie.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 May 2019):
 I don't think it's something that YOU need to concern yourself with, to be honest.
It's NOT your money, nor your mother's money.
You grandmother can DIVIDE her assets as he PLEASES.
You uncle took a different path than your mother. He is thus financially secure, your mother isn't.
But inheritance is NOT about who will benefit "more" from it but what is LEGALLY fair.
If there is one thing I absolute ABHOR it's people fighting over items and money they didn't EARN. Like inheritance. You mom IS being compensated for taking care of your grandmother. BUT it's also a CHOICE your mother made. Just like it was HER choice to help out with your grandfather for his last 10 week. My guess is she didn't DO it to "score" some brownie point and get more money when it comes down to that. She did it because she wanted to help and spend as much time as she could with her dad before he passed. THAT doesn't even begin to add up in any currency to GET to do that.
You mom will get HER share when the times comes and hopefully if she is frugal it will help her continue on.
I get that you are looking out for your mom and that is lovely, but this isn't up to you.
At least in this day and age, us women can also inherit!
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