My mom is on a course set for destruction..please how can I help her?

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

im sorry that this isnt a relationship question. but i need some sort of advice, i already know my mum needs some serious help but there is nothing she will do! im now 17, but when i was 3, my mum and dad had been together for 11 years, they were together from high school, and loved each other dearly, they always said they wanted hundreds of babies! my parents both loved children! but after having me, my mum found out she wouldnt be able to have anymore children, but they still carried on trying! it was all they wanted. her and my dad had been trying for about 6 years (in the meantime, they had got married) and then my dad found out he was ill, he had cancer and was given 12 months to live, he was in hospital for just under 18 months servierly ill when he sadly passed away, i know its a heartless thing to say but i think it was for the best. it was an awful thing to see, he was in such pain, he would cry to my mum in agony. it got to a stage after about 7 months that he wa sso bad, i wasnt even allowed to see him, i didnt see him for almost a year of his life, because he was so ill. i wasnt even 11 yet and my dad who i honestly truley uncomditionally loved with all my heart! (rip) had passed away at just 32 years old. it broke my mums heart to watch him go through this, me and mum never were really close, i was always a daddys girl. but when he passed, me and mum got so close! it was un true, the funeral came and passed, fathers days came and his birthdays, christmas wasnt the same, our family holidays stopped, even the dog felt it. mum changed, we didnt go out, for about 6 months i didnt even go to school, i remember sitting in the living room with mum, cuddled up in the dark. she ended up turning to alcohol, after almost 2 years of seriously strong drinking she was also given just a short time to live. i broke down! i was 12 at this point, i thought i was going to have no parents, i had no siblinbgs, id be alone and i didnt honestly want to live anymore. i think this was a wake up call, i couldnt go through the loss of both my parents in 3 years! i remember her saying to me 'ya know what jessica, i dont want to be here anymore, i need to be up there with him' it was the worst thing id ever heard her say! she didnt want to be with me, i went to a family friend and stayed with him for about a week, it gave us both a break from each other, he said 'maybe youve got too close' which i think was true! we managed to get her right between me and (dave, the guy i was stayin with) and the doctors! i was two months off 15. when mum and dave got together, he'd been her rock throughout my fathers death, and throughout everything, they finally got together and she was a totally different person! they were like 15 year olds, it was so lovely to see, of course my dad wasnt around anymore, but he wouldnt have wanted her to go through that.. they were togeether for just over a year when my mum fell pregnant. well! after all this time she was told there was no chance of her having anymore children, when she found out she was pregnant, she burst out crying! 'your dad did this, he wants me to be happy' she said to me. she was convinced my dad had done it! she was over the moon, her and dave were so happy. it was as if some miracle had taken over our lives. i got an amazin boyfriend in the meantime.. everything was fine! my mum delivered her beautiful baby girl on 21st december 08. she was the most adorable thing in the world! she was born with a hole in her heart, she had to have one to one attention at all times! she was kept on life support for the first four months of her life, but there was no fight left in her, and we lost her on 11th may. for the last 5 weeks, my mum which is understandable has been a total wreck! we had the funeral, her and dave argue none stop, shes blaming him, she turned back to the bottle AGAIN! shes started smoking, which she's never done, shes overdosed twice, she doesnt want to be here, me and dave are so close at the minute, were both going through it too, its devostated the pair of us, (im sat with tears bigger than peas down my face while i write this) she stays in bed all day, she wont get in the bath, she wont eat, shes a complete mess! the more i try help her, the more i feel she hates me! i dont want to loose her, and i feel just as bad as she does, if not worse. i have to go through it with her too! i just feel like i have no stregnth anymore, just 6 months ago she had everything she could dream of! now, she spends half her time in the babies nursery with a bottle of vodka in her hand! i dont want to loose her, but every time i try talk to her, tell her she needs help, she slaps me, or throws abuse at me! please is there some sort of help anyone can give me online?! i cant go through with this anymore. i cant loose my mum, shes the only thing i have left! i just want to help her. please can someone give me a bit of advice? sorry this is so long, i needed to let it all out! and i need to know what to do! please someone! thankyou for reading. xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009):

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A female reader, DrPsych  +, writes (19 June 2009):

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