A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a situation here I don't know how to deal and I think I need advise on what to do.I am currently working now in a place where people basically come and go. Oddly enough, I am one of the few who is truly single. Most of my women friends are married in my country and all of them have extra marital affairs here. Believe it or not, here it's a normal thing to hear them say they are married in our home country while here they keep a sexual relationship and are not even batting an eyelash to broadcast it. I really secretly hate them but I never say anything. Afterall, it's none of my business.The thing is, I just got out of a 1 yr relationship that was quite tragic. I learned my foreigner bf was cheating on me with a married girl who is the same as my nationality. I was devastated but I let it go. The important thing is I am finding myself moving on.The problem is, my cheater female friends have started to confide in me about their current lovers. At first I am a good listener to them but now I am starting to be a bitch. I mean, I would be frank with them and remind them how come they are doing this while they are married? Ofcourse I am still a friend to them but I feel I am not the right person anymore to tell about these things. Surely, my bf who left me for a married girl has something to do with this but it only added to my hatred to them. I don't hate my friends, but I feel I can no longer consent or listen to their immoral stories. The problem is, no one knew the real reason why i broke up with my ex so I have all these to myself only.What should I do when they confide in me again? I don't want to hear anymore their stories. I want to lecture them and tell them what they do is not right but I know too it's none of my business what they do with their life.Pls advise anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): If these women are Real Friends then I think it is your business what they do in their lives when they confide their cheating to you.I would tell them that you don't agree with what they are doing and you think it is immoral and not to expect you to support or cover for them.Say that you don't want to hear about it, and that if one of their husbands comes to you and confronts you about whether or not they are cheating on them, that you will tell them the truth.One of the problems with the world today is that there are no longer any social or moral or legal consequences oftentimes for immoral, unethical behavior.You don't have to be part of the problem be part of the solution and pick better quality friends.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I'm sorry about your bf. Sounds like it's his loss.
I don't know much about your culture and I fear making a faux pas in something I say but I mean this with all respect... not to offend you.
You can't control what they do, but you can tell them about your experience and how much it hurt you. It's not about whether it's your business or not. You should be entitled to stand up for what's right, especially after what you've been through. It wasn't your fault that your bf did that. If you open up their eyes to the fact that their behavior is hurtful and dangerous, you've done all you can do.
You stand by your friends no matter what, and don't turn your back on them, but there is no shame in speaking out for what's right.
Tell them that it's wrong and furthermore, it's dangerous... they could get a disease from this behavior.
I don't understand why the hell people get married if they don't love the person enough to respect the relationship. I don't understand that mentality because I could never cheat on a man I loved, and if I didn't love him, then I certainly wouldn't marry him. I've never cheated on someone and I never will, but I've been lied to and it hurt so much when I discovered that I was lied to.
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