A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:One of my european friends makes me uncomfortable and I don't know what to do about it.When we hang out with her husband she always tell me how handsome I am and how lucky any woman would be to go out with me. She really plays it up and I feel uncomfortable when she does so especially in front of her husband who remains silent.When we're walking outside she hooks her arm into mine. This is when I decided to suddenly raise my arms up in the air to emphasize a point in a story I began to tell. Her husband doesn't even react but I still feel uncomfortable.She made some introductions last night and she clarified at the onset that X was her husband, not me. I'm thinking: "WHAT? WAS THAT EVEN NECESSARY???" Again, I felt uncomfortable. The husband doesn't even blink. Maybe I just don't get it? Maybe I don't understand the culture?In the past, when female friends started acting this way and I wasn't interested I would simply distance myself. Now these female friends are married and I'm not sure what to do. The last time this happened with a married female acquaintances I distanced myself and that was that. Now it's a married friend and I'm torn. I would feel ridiculously bringing it up since it obviously doesn't seem to be an issue for them and I would feel really foolish. Maybe I should just suck it up if I'm culturally ignorant...Any advice?Previous post (14 November 2008): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/shes-acting-like-an-amorous-school-girl-around.html Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): I think your instinct is right. Some cultures are sexually open. That doesn't make anyone right or wrong. If it doesn't work with your standards than there you go. Live it. How her husband responds, etc. Is actually irrelevant to your friendship standards. Given that, it may or may not behoove you to tell the couple what is your comfort and discomfort zone. You sound like you feel pressured to hide the wife's advances from the husband.
In any case, when you sit and think of it, you know what you want in a comfortable friendship with married couples. Effectively communicating these parameters could be valuable.
Coincidentally, I received an email today from a girl I hung out with three years ago from some European country; I forget. Anyway, she wants to get back in touch. I responded with telling her that due to her history of macking on my boyfriend, I do not want a friendship with her.
I use that example to show you are in control of more areas than you think.
My point is, we all have rules; thresholds, so to speak. What are yours and how do you abide by them -
I get the impression from your description that if you didn't think she was remotely attractive this wouldn't be an issue. Her husband's indifference is a lesser problem than your shock at it all.
To perceive them as only friends, no matter how odd the behaviors, wouldn't have brought you here.
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