A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex for 4 years. We were very young at the time (early 20's)and both of us had been through a lot. We knew that we loved each other and we had an unbelievable connection. We were the couple that everyone said would be together forever. But, our immaturity and insecurities caused us to get into terrible fights. This perpetuated an awful cycle of fighting, mistrust, accusations and insecurity about the relationship. However, we did love each other deeply and I think we were also scared because we were both hurt in the past and our feelings for each other were so deep. I always thought that we had bad timing and just needed to sort through our issues before we could fully commit to our future. I ended up leaving and decided not to answer his emails or calls for monthes.i even changed my phone number because I didn't want to crack and go back when we weren't ready. Neither one of us took my leaving very well and I will just say that we made some terrible mistakes. I just needed to get myself together and wanted him to take that time as well. However, I did get into a superficial relationship to try and forget him but never could - not even a little. I struggled with contacting him for a year. I finally did and learned that a month after I changed my number he, accidently got a woman pregnant. They only had been dating a few weeks. We both learned that our feeling had never faltered but he had to commit to his child. We texted, spoke on the phone and even met up for 8 months. He ended up marrying her for his child's sake and I supported it. I tried to stay supportive but I was too hurt and wanted to move on. I forced myself to try to forget but I couldn't and contacted him again (he tried to contact me as well but I wouldn't answer). I found out that she is pregnant again. We did meet up and decided that what was best for the children and our future is to stay friends and build a foundation. He is convinced that they will not last long as there is no love and it is only for the children on both their ends (he even found a letter she wrote to her ex stating just that and other people have said the same thing). We promised each other that we will not cross any lines (although we had in the past and definatley want to) and we are best friends and will always support each other in all aspects of our lives. Our past was bad timing and we were so young. Now we have a little more wisdom but no oppurtunity. We know that we will be together one day. Both of us think it is best to let it ride out because it isn't going to work between them and we don't want any resentments between us.We try to keep it light between us but it is hard not to share our feelings for one another. I will never have what we had and he says he feels the same. I would never talk him out of his relationship or try to convince him to leave. I would feel bad for him losing his children full-time if/when it happens.I am glad that we have this oppurtunity to build a trusting foundation. Sometimes I feel like this is part of our journey together - we didn't appreciate what we had and this is teaching us for our "second chance." He and I are both living our lives as we should but there is a void without the other in it. Does love conquer all? How have any similar situations turned out for anyone? What do i DO?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your reply. I suppose that you are right. How many people can truly say that they have the respect, friendship, closeness and love that my ex and I have been lucky to find in each other. Maybe this isn't exactly how I wanted it to turn out...but, what we have is more than I could ask for.P.S. I apologize for the epic but,as you stated...its complicated!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): You dont have to own someone to love them. Cherish what you have and be there for each other. Your situation sounds so complicated, yet your love is obvious. I too have feelings for my first real love, who helped me through a marraige breakup, yet we accept our friendship and love for what it is and no longer for what it could be or was. This is a love story. I always feel special to have this love.
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