A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I would like to ask for your help to give me some piece of advice.I am working in a big company for 2 yrs now with more than 100 plus employees. I am a silent type of person and when at work I just do my job well but these past 6 months, managers from my company are flirting with me, four them are asking me out for some tea or dinner and every time they ask I decline. Am always telling each of them upfront that what they just want and feel for me are just for physical reasons as they are all married and I am separated. The worse thing here, they are all my managers. Two weeks back, it even surprised me that our group operation manager is asking me too. They all expressed they like me and want to have a relationship with me and it scares me as they are my managers.Would this not effect my work if I decline them all? Would they not take me personally? I told them, what I want and I become still persistent that I am not ready for any relationship, how should I approach them without hurting their feelings? I am really scared they might take me personally and I will lose my job. Please give advice me what to do. It scares me, they won't stop even I told them I am not dating.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): You feel you are being harassed so I would discreetly contact HR and probe them about your issue. Find out what solutions are available to you or if you could transfer to another dept.
Since the ME is a male-dominated society your complaint may fall on deaf ears so you will have to look elsewhere for a job with better social conditions.
It will not stop until you lose or take an upper hand. Better to lose on your own terms or fight the harassment and let them know that you are not their pawn.
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (21 December 2009):
 Perhaps this is to do with cultural boundaries. Many middle eastern countries expect women to remain virgins until marriage, and sadly in many, not doing so can land the woman (rarely the male in the equation) in very serious trouble. Being disowned, imprisoned, etc is not uncommon, and in some countries women are actually sentenced to stoning by courts, or murdered by their own families in what they describe as 'honor killings' to save face for the 'shamed' family. Even rape victims can meet this fate whilst the perpatrators get away scot free.Perhaps these men see you, (a foreigner), as a better, less complicated prospect to bed than a local woman. Please note tho, whilst not typically to the same degree, sever consequences can befall even foreign women found to be engaging in pre- marital sex in some countries. I strongly suggest you google some info on Sharia Law and some of the punishments metered out under it. Then get yourself a big steel chastity belt with a huge padlock and razor sharp blades and run the other way when ever you see these men coming. OK, I am being over the top in that description, but that is how seriously you should be taking these advances.I urge you under NO circumstances even allow yourself to be in an innocent situation with these men that 'could' be speculated on as anything more. No wonder you are scared - your gut instincts are screaming at you to be very very careful about the situation you are in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for giving me your advices.
I'd like to add some more lines, I am working in a company with different nationalities, and one of the most numbered one are from my managers country even our HR and GM, if I make a complaint, do you think they will listen to me? or would they not twist the complaint and it would be my fault like " I am the one's giving motives". I am working in Middle East Country.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Hiya just smile sweetly and tell them you dont mix business with pleasure. And you dont date married men because you wouldnt want to be the cause of their divorces! Then ask after their wives and families. If they still keep asking you for dates, start looking for another job x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): You sound a very attractive woman if they are all asking you out. Although it also sounds a coincidence - could they be having a bet to see which of them wins you?
Saying no shouldn't have any impact on your job. If any of them starts trouble because of it you could speak to HR about it.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (20 December 2009):
 I would spread a roomer that you already have a boyfriend, that you met him a few months ago, it started as friendship but now you are a couple. If they ask why didn't you tell them just say you were not sure about your feelings but now you are so you are dating him. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): It should have stopped when you said no but apparently you're getting to the point where you're scared, which is a sign that you need to act on this situation right away and not prolong it. If the managers are still persistent or do not get your "no" then you need to bring it up with human resource of the company. You should not be uncomfortable at work or feel scared because eventually you're going to feel harassed. Harassment at work has zero intolerance and if your company is not serious about it, then you need to think again about working there! However, since you said you're the silent type and do not want to be bothered with then you can maybe try this: have a guy friend act as a boyfriend just for the moment, maybe send yourself flowers or something in the name of the friend that's playing the boyfriend role. This could keep away those managers of yours. However, I think it's a serious matter if your managers are not getting the concept of your "no" and that you are scared, so get your head up and do what you know is appropriate because those managers obviously don't! Good Luck! :-)
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