A
male
age
36-40,
*lonewithnothing
writes:14 days ago i received the most shocking new of my life. My girlfriend of 3 years told me that she wanted to move out and get a place of her own because she was confused about a lot of things. We were engaged two years ago but i lied to her (yes it was my fault and i admit that) so she decided to call off the wedding until things could get back to the way they were. She told me that she doesn't want to rely on a guy to make her feel special about herself and she wants to be independent since the most time she's been single is for 3 months. She told me if she moved out she wasn't going to have sex with anyone and see anyone. I continued with our relationship just like always and we even took the step with buying a house in January 2010. Things seemed to be going great until one night out with her friends she kissed a guy at a local dance club. She told me the next day and i was shocked. She started bringing the moving out at this time but i tried to do things that would convince her to stay and for things not to be awkward between us. On monday February the 13th is when she moved out and being the huge hearted person that i am i helped her. Throughout this whole time i had been asking her if she still loved me and wanted to be with me and everything about our future and she would say "yes i still love you but i'm confused on if i am in love with you, i love what we have together and i could see us getting married some day". These words have been tattooed on my brain every since i heard them and that's what i kept hoping for but then i noticed as she started getting more and more of her stuff moved out then she started being more distant. She had told me that she didn't want to talk if i was going to do the "baby come back i miss you" stuff so i haven't this whole time and i have been giving her her space. She got to where she would call once a day, no texting or emails anymore and i would send a text here and there just to offer her some lunch or tell her something important. Well when she came over saturday i kept noticing some suspicious behavior with her and her cell phone so i took a peak at one of the texts and i asked her if it was a certain guy friend of hers and she said yes. I was shocked that she would lie to my face so i confronted her by saying "no it isn't why are you all of a sudden lying and keeping things from me", her response was "because if i tell you then you are going to think something" and i said "the more you lie and hide things then the more i'm going to think something is going on". So i kept having this feeling in my stomach that wouldn't go away telling me that there was more going on. I did some investigating of my own just like she did when i lied to her and found out some stuff that she had been hiding from me. Monday night i needed my laptop that she had so i was gonna drive to her house to get it. I saw a car parked next to hers so i automatically thought something was wrong. I called and told her i needed my laptop and she got defensive like she didn't want me to come over and get it so i kept insisting on coming over and finally she said ok. Well i saw the dude leave so i pulled up to her duplex and walked in and got my laptop and she asked why i was acting the way i was and that's when the time bomb went off. I couldn't beleive that after sharing a 3 year relationship with someone and she had been moved out for 11 days that she would have a guy at her place, i was sad, angry, hurt, and betrayed at the same time. I confronted her about it and she said that he was "just a friend" and she's not interested in being with anyone at this time or are they having sex. I just kept going off on her and telling her that she doesn't mean it when she says loves me and she doesn't care if she hurts me any more. I don't understand how you can go from loving someone and saying you don't want to rely on a guy to make you feel special to having them blow up your phone with texts and coming over to your house right when you have moved out from the person that you have shared a 3 year relationship with. I feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest and i'm sinking into a depression because all i want from her is a straight up honest answer of why she is doing this and doing the things that she is becuase the person that she is now is not the person who i fell in love with 3 years ago. I want to know if there is any chance for us in the future and if she really does love me, i need more that just words i need the action that goes along with it since actions speek louder than words. Help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): Sorry to tell you brother but all you are is "Plan B". A backup plan in case her new love interest doesn't work out. Take a deep breath, phone her and tell her that you no longer want to see or talk to her again and then stick to it.
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