A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hope you can help me out here, not only to get over this but also just give your opinion on why this has all happened and what he might feel. Im so depressed!I need help getting over one of my best mates, ive liked him for nearly 2 years however i actually truely fell in love witt him and its gone to far. Im so confused as to how he feels but its affecting me to muhc, i cant do anything without him mentally being there, hes all i think about, i have no concentration for anything else because my minds always on him, i end up crying for days on end and its affecting my life boht work and social. he always acted like he liked me, thats why im so consfused.Anyway this may help you understand why i am like i am:We were friends from meeting each other, after a while i started to sense he liked me and at one point i thought i heard him tell someone he did, after this people started teasing us and this one girl got jealous and started spreading some really nasty stuff about me which caused problems between me and everyone else. It also affected me and my mate being friends. Even after that stopped, we never seemed to be allowed to be friends, if we did anything ntogether we got talked about, it was ridiculous! Because of this he was never the same with me as anyone else, even outside college he spoke to me abit more but not like he would anyone else. Thigns were really weird between us one day he maybe normal with me, the next he would taslk to me if i spoke to him and other days it was like i wasnt there, even though we sat together. Stupid i know! His mate even added me once apprantly trying to get us together, not sure what happened to that. Now we arent with them guys anymore things got better, not awesomely better but abit better, we spoke more, if i spoke to him online he started to talk back abit, however i was the one that alwyas had to talk first. I felt like he just didnt care because he makes no effort. Hes said many times we're great friends and he cares about me but he makes no effort, if we meet up its because i ask. When we do meet up with other people they have often said they can see why i think he still likes me because he seems to talk to them fine and just laughs along but he seems abit shy and nervous around me for a while, and they;ve just seen how he is in general, as if theres something there but he darent do anything.Btw he knows i like him...well thats another story he got told by my mate and he denied liking me but my mate didnt believe that for 1 second as he continued to show it. I have heard off people many times though that he did and still does but ive always said i would never believe anything unless i heard it off him in person. When we've been out with some of my mates that now know him hes said he likes me but he never actually says if its as a friend or more.Im just so depressed over it all because i honestly cant go on without him. He said to people he wants me to be myself and stuff but how can i be when he wont be himself with me?We went nout the other week and the poeple we were with had to go early so he asked me to stay out with him. We went to this club and we were just messing around and the next thing i knew he;d sat me on his knee and was cuddling me and wouldnt stop. He kept holding me tighter and tighter and burying his head in my shoulder, he took me to one side and said he was sorry for everything in the past(we later spoke about it) and pulled me back on his knee, held my hand and said we're good friends etc and just hugged me. But after that he kept cuddling me tighter again and wrapping his legs around mine and didnt want to let me go. it was way to up close and personal for friends, we were also just playfighting as well. So it all really confu8sed me as to how he felt.And yet the next time we met up he says he wants me to be myself(not to me but to someone else) and barely speaks to me or anything, when i did make him laugh he did laugh and seemed like he was enjoying it but even when the others went outsdie because they smoke he wouldnt stay inside with me. Now i know he doesnt regret what happened that night because he kept saying to the my friend how i was myself that night and we had a great time and he really enjoyed it. But i cant be myself with him if i get no response back when i try. I dont understand.Im just so depressed over him, ive never been able to talk to him about it in person unless hes brought it up, he seems to hate confrontation. I text him asking how he expetcs me to be himself when he isnt with me and he never replied.Everyone says not to bother with him but its gone to far for that, we've been through to much and i struggle to live without him as it is. What hurts the most is most guys that are like this are players. hes not hes really nice he seems to have two sides to him, the typical big headed fun guy or the shy quiet guy. Im unsure what to do, i hope he doesnt hate me for texting him(not that he ever replies to anyone) but i cant go on like this i need him morew than anything and deep down i know we wont be together but everythings just telling me otherwise. Its all i ever think about, its depressing me and im sick of it, I NEED MY LIFE BACK! Anyway sorry for the mega long essay i just hope someone out there can try and understand how much of a mess im in! :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (20 December 2009):
 ok im gonna suggest you rite this another hundred times untill your to tired to be depressed. i feel like i just read a book. look love comes and goes we cant always have the person of our dreams thats how life is you win some you loose some i want to marry Alica Keys thats never gonna happen poor me. look your working your self up into a mess. Leave this guy alone for awhile if he calls say your busy its time you move on get back to your life, heres a thought get an account on her and try helping other out to get your mind off of it you need to give your self an emotional cool off before you meltdown as mutch as you think you love this guy there is another guy out there you will love just as mutch maybe oneday you can be with him but not today you dont need to be around some one that has you feeling all theese diffrent ways tell him this and tell him you cant be around him for awhile. good luck
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