A
male
age
36-40,
*nbolic_dragon
writes:Well it all started a year and half ago. I was 21 and she was 18. We met over a friends house. She chased after me and we evetnually started dating and were happy. We didnt see that we had much in common at first and almost broke up after a month but we stuck through it and grew really close in that last week before she left for college that is 5 hours away. We did good while she was there and we realized that we were falling in love. 3 months later in the relationship we tell each that we love eacher other and i give her a promise ring. It made her so happy and me happy. Fast forward... winter went well and we got through her firsat year of college without any problem.. i would visit her and she would come home a few times. The summer following her first year was great. We see each other almost ervyday and we grew so much closer. On the last day we had together before we stared her 2nd year we cried to eacher and realized how much we mean to each other and she said at the momment she thought we would be together forever and that i was the one for me. It was 4 weeks before i would come see her. At that point she was so stressed over school and it was affecting her health and she was always sick and upset. when i came to see her it wasnt like last year hen i would see her. last year she was so excited and happy to see me after a few weeks. but this time shes seemed different and i thought it was because she was so stressed and sick. I left that weekend and the following week we had a tiny fight.. i started it because i was pissed that she wasnt making enught time for us to communicate. ok sorry let me break from the story and add something. her first year she didnt really get along with her roomates and only really found a firned with this one guy . she said that her would comforte her when she was feeling down and when she was crying over me. I thought nothing of him because i trust her. but eventually i was see signs of somehting more between them such as she would have a custom ring tone for him. she only had custom ones for him and me..also he had him titled as best friend in her phone and a heart near it..i mentioned it to her and told her it was weird and i let it go. ok back to story. we had the tiny fight over the time issue and i brought the other guy up and was wondering if he had anything to do with it. she said no but she doesnt know what shes feeling about us anymore. i was worried sick about it but she wanted to get through the week until she came home the following weekend to think about it. so she comes home and i get right into it because i am so worried and i need to know what shes thinking and feeling. At that point all she knows is that being at school and since it was so much harder that she doesnt think we can make it throguth the long distance thing. she also sad that she doesnt feel like im the one and all the stuff. it came out of nowhere to me. she kept saying that she feels pressured from me in the apsect to where i do think about the future and i do see us together but shes gets scared i guess and she doesnt see us together b/c it was be so hard. So other things were said and that was the night. the next night comes and we talk again. i get a few more answers out of her. she says shes being getting feelings about us not being right and her heart says it isnt right for her to have a long distance relationship right now. keep in mind while she says all this she also says shes doesnt know y she started feeling this way and that all she needs is time to think. so i went home and did dthinking and went back over her house. the only idea i can come up with is that we break up for now so she an sort things out . i mainly broke it off b/c i couldnt wait until shes figured it all out b/c it would kill me insdie and worry so maybe ending it now it help me cope better if she finally decides that she doesnt want me. we talked and cried for a while and she give me ome reaons but also says shes cant think straight and shes so confused and that all she needs is time. i dont know if shes being thruthful by saying that shes doesnt think im right for her or if it is an excuse b/c shes so confused. im thinknig shes really confused b/c of all her stress in college and the way its effecting us and her health. we end the night by her saing that her heart is telling her this isnt right for her and she cant deal with the long distance anymore. but she still loves me and this is that last thing she wanted and she didnt want to hurt me. im not getting mad at hr the whole time i was in shock b/c it came out of nowhere especially since a few weeks ago we both think we wqere going to be together forever. im trying to reason with her the whole time by sayng she making a big mistake and that college is changing her. shes not realizing it. i tell her that if she truly loves me then she would do whatever it takes to make it work b/c i am willing to do whatever it takes and i dont want to lose her. she doesnt seem to comprehend andything im saying. she says shes confused and needs time. what do i do. Should i back off and let her have time to think and hopefully by us not being a couple she will realize what a big mistake shes making? i cant give her to much time and it wont be fair to me waiting around feeling like crap and drepressed. i need to start moving on b/c i cant get through her head and make her realize what we have is special and we can make it work..we already got through a year of it. i still love her so much and i know she loves me. what do i do and anyy suggestions on what shes thinking or really feels?
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best friend, broke up, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): I know it's really painful and difficult, but the only thing you can do is give her space and time and let her come to her own conclusion. She knows her options and knows you're there still wanting her, so she needs to make a decision. Even if you thought it'd be forever and all that, you have to remember that this is very common in young peoples' relationships and college life. Even if college is 'changing' her, that would be a good thing. It doesn't bode well for your relationship, but college is an especially important time where people grow emotionally, learn more about themselves, and change a lot. No one should have someone or something stopping their personal growth. She might want to date other people, and after time realize she wants you in the end. Or maybe you two were just not right for eachother and you can be friends. Long distance is always difficult, and with young people it's usually not a good idea. This is the time to explore other options. She doesn't see the relationship the same way you do, anymore. If that changes, she'll let you know. And maybe by then it will be too late, who knows. But it looks like breaking up is the best thing for you both! Also, some advice- sometimes cutting contact for a while helps to get over it.. If you continuously talk to her about it, then that will just keep the wound fresh.. So try to get out there and meet other people, like I am sure she's doing! Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Forget about her and start enjoying your life. Find somebody who will appreciate you. Stop wasting your time and energy on this girl. She needs to grow up. She probably wants to enjoy her freedom and is just to scared to tell you the truth. Be strong and walk away from this girl and the past.
Dale Carnegie said:
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years of trying to get other people interested in you".
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