A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. Maybe I am just crazy but here is my dilemma....My boyfriend works with all women and his clients are all women.How do I ever get over my insecurity of these women?I know he wants me and needs me. And he isn't looking for anyone else. He keeps telling me this. That he is happy with me. I am the prettiest of them all and he is really into me and we have the best sexual chemistry ever.So, why can't I get over the fact he works with all women? Why does this bother me so much?I hate this reality!I get jealous. Not always but I certainly have had my moments. He has done nothing to make me think he is doing something wrong. It is all in my head. I tend to think I see things and blow them all up. But he has never done anything to make me question him.But I somehow view some of them as potential flings or replacements for me. Because he has a constant supply and opportunities so to speak.Please help me deal with this and get over it before our relationship ends due to paranoia, fear and worry on my part! There will come a time when I cannot deal with anymore. And I don't want this because I love him and he loves me.Help!:(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015): It's OP.Wow, WiseOwl. You have really opened up my eyes! Thank you for what you have said! You have no idea how much you have helped me!Yes I am very attractive and the center of male attention. He does worry about that too but not as much as I do. And he trusts me.There is a lot more to our relationship although he admitted himself he first got with me because of the physical attraction and because I was beautiful.I am also a charmer and a natural flirt. I draw people in. Just part of my charm. My BF is also a charmer but only to me. He is outgoing and sexy but does not try to charm other women. He is not a natural flirt. I know him so well that I see all these things but other women do not know him like I do. I guess I worry because I love him so much and would never want to lose him. And yes he did leave another woman for me.I will trust him.You are so right. Jealousy and worry will eat away at a relationship. I will let it go. In fact, I have let it go so much more lately and things are way better.You are indeed a wise man. You have no idea how much you have made a difference. I cannot thank you enough! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015): You seem to view your boyfriend as a possession. Your property. Other women having access to his time and attention, makes you feel threatened. It's a part of his job.
If you're an attractive woman, he should feel just as threatened by other men. After all, men flirt a lot more aggressively than women. That evens things out.
You have trust-issues. You mentioned you're the prettiest of them all? That reinforces my theory you see him like your property. Don't see him as your trophy, a tribute to your own beauty. A testament to your own good-looks. Your prize for being born beautiful. That's conceited, and it objectifies the man you supposedly love.
Men can resist temptation; if we have a good reason to. If you're as pretty as you say, you must get a lot of male attention. Maybe you have no faith in him being faithful, because you don't trust yourself. Do you really think the reason he's with you, is mainly because you're pretty?
If I had to guess, I would think you stole him from another woman. That's the paranoia a home-wrecker feels after she gets what she wants. It's part of her karma.
My partner died eight years ago. He was a successful lawyer and a very good-looking man. I loved him dearly, but a lot of people tempted the both of us. It's human to feel a little insecure or jealous, but you have to know when to put a cork in it. You'll start acting on your suspicions and paranoia; and you'll make his life miserable trying to prove to you that you can trust him. He'll stop trying.
I used to notice how gorgeous women looked at my boyfriend, and the way other gay men would make passes at him. He loved being the center of attention, and was always the hit at a party. He could be a big flirt too, which was part of the charm that attracted me to him. I had to put my jealousy in check. It will drive you nuts if you let it.
I told him he needed to tone it down. He was making me uncomfortable. I accused him of showing-off.
Know what he told me? People only know what they see, and what they hear when they are around him. He told me I have his heart. He knows there is only one pair of eyes on him in the room that can see beneath his skin, and into his heart. Oh, he was a lawyer alright; and could be a real charmer. I knew he meant it. If you think of it that way, it's true. We see gorgeous people all day, but at the end of the day; we come home to one that shows us love.
Your man sees women all day, but he comes home to you. The one who knows him inside out, and gives him a reason to look forward to the end of his day. So he can be with you.
Imagine being the wife of a gynecologist or celebrity? You have to adjust to it. They need trust and love like everyone else. Right?
Don't measure his love for you by his appreciation for your physical appearance. Give yourself more credit than that.
Give him more credit than that. If it was all about looks, it's no wonder you're insecure. You see everything superficially. If you're only his arm-candy, how miserable and sad you must be? Is he just the Ken to your Barbie?
Get a grip. Always being jealous over a man will make him feel he may as well cheat; if he's expected to, and treated like he will anyway. Try a little thing called self-control.
That's part of being an adult. People use too many excuses not to use it. Jealousy is toxic. Like acid it will
eat through your trust, and poison your relationship.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (12 January 2015):
You can live this, then you will be fine.
" Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail."
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