A
female
age
41-50,
*eesa
writes:My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We have 2 small children and despite a few bumps we are happy. My husbands first love was a girl at school whom he was with for 3 years. He finished with her because she cheated on him alot and didn't support him in his hour of need. She has always been very popular and even his family still love her. When we first started dating my first Xmas present from his parents, they bought her the same thing!!! She even lived with his sister long after they had split. Our current circle of friends includes alot of my husbands friends from school. About a year ago we were the only couple of our circle not to be invited to a wedding, she was. She is now married with a child of her own but she is suddenly being invited to alot of social events that I am despite her not being friends with most of my friends for years. I don't have a problem with her being his ex but more so that she seems to have more status within my circle of friends than I do. I really hate her being so popular and loved by all. I don't get on that well with my husbands sister and she is best buddies with her, I don't get invited to a friends wedding - she does, my husbands best friends wife invites her round for mum and baby drinks but not me - and she hardly knows her!!! I feel like I am living in the shadow of this perfect ex and its messing with my head. I feel like she knows everything about me through sis in law and I hate being talked about. I went to a birthday party last week and she was there and she just happened to mention shed been invited to my friends babies birthday party. My friend!!!! I know there is nothing I can do as she has done nothing wrong, I just feel like she is taking over!!! Please tell me I am not alone....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Hi, I am in a similar situation. I think it is normal to feel hurt and it seems to me you just want to feel accepted and invited more than her. Which is also normal. It sounds to me like you have a large circle of friends and you are also busy with your two small children and she only has one so people may see her as more available than you are right now. One child is easier to transport around than two...and two keep you much busier than one. Hang in there and one idea could be for you to have some fun get togethers where you make out the guest list and leave little miss popular at home! Best of luck to you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Have you tried becoming her friend? Maybe this is the answer. You seem to have some demons that you need to face. You say 'I don't have a problem with her being his ex but more so that she seems to have more status within my circle of friends than I do' but I think you need to ask yourself if that statement is really true. Be true to yourself here. You dont have an issue with her being his ex...umm... but then why is there an issue????
Have you got a problem with anyone else in the circle of friends that when you look closer may also be getting more invites to places over you. I personally, through reading your question think that you DO infact have a problem with her BECAUSE she is your husband's ex. There is nothing wrong with this and I think that the way you are feeling is normal. But I think you need to be honest with yourself and try to find out exactly what you are jealous of, or maybe even envy about her. Maybe something is lacking in your own life. How old are your children? It sounds like she may be an obsession in your life at the moment as you are focusing on all the things that she has and what you dont have. The fact is she is your husbands ex, you are your husbands wife. He loves you and your children. She is living her life the way she wants to live her life and you need to do the same by drawing boundaries. Maybe you should take a step back from the circle for a while and focus on yourself. Doing the things that you enjoy or are interested in. Get to know your own family again your cousins, grandparents, neighbours etc. What about your friends from school - friends away from his circle. After some time away you may want to think about becoming her friend aswell and getting to know her so that you dont feel threatened by her anymore and gain some insight about her and her life.
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I don't know if it's a possibility, but you could move out of the area.
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A
female
reader, Reesa +, writes (9 July 2008):
Reesa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. What you are saying makes sense. I am annoyed with myself for feeling like this so I will just have to deal with it. I just hope I don't find myself withdrawing from my friends as this may be the easy option....
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.
Reesa
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A
female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Try not to buy into the "popularity contest" with your friends and family. As long as they are respecting you, then there is no reason to get upset. I can understand why you might be upset when you are not invited to a big event when she is, and if that bothers you then tell that person that you feel hurt you didnt get to go.
Do not allow this to consume your life. The reality is that she will be around your current friends and the circle you have involved yourself with so you must deal with it.
This is not a competition, just BE YOURSELF. Let people see that you are great! Dont let this bother you. Maybe she really is a nice person and people like her. The most important thing is that your husband LOVES YOU and is WITH YOU so she doesnt matter anymore!
I am not quiete in this situation. I know why people like my boyfriend's ex and to me, its a sad sad situation. But I deal with the circle of friends that still talk to her and yeah, it makes me mad sometimes. But at the same time, I know that she doesnt matter. I hope you can do the same!
Be strong! And remember "keep your friends close and your enemies closer....
She might turn out to be a cool person but you can always set boundaries if you find yourself uncomfortable.
Good Luck!
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