A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met my husband in 1988, in my home country, we got married in 1994 and i moved to the UK to live with him and his mother (he lived at home). His mother said I was not like her daughters and was too quiet, I felt forced to constantly interact with her. When I was 2 months pregnant with my first child, my mother in law and I just could not see eye to eye. I was never disrespectful to her in anyway, but i could not be who she wanted me to be, she told one of her sons, and one day when my husband was at work, her son came over and told me that I had until the end of the day to get out. my husband and I rented a house, and moved on. since then i have encouraged him to continue his relationship with his family,for his sake, and for the sake of our two girls. I started having therapy recently due to mental illness, and what his family did to me has come to the surface, and I feel such hurt and anger towards them, i find myself bad mouthing them in the presence of my husband, and he gets offended. i do not want my marriage to end, and i want to let go of this anger, i want to stop hurting so badly and move on from here. what can i do? on one hand i want my husband to be mad at them, and have nothing to do with them, on the other hand i know that would not be fair or right, i am confused. please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I also have problems with my husbands family and i am learning to deal with them without it getting in the way of our relationship. I find the best way for me is to never be alone with any member of his family if i do find myself alone i go to the toilet the kitchen anywhere as they only seem to make the horrible comments when my husband isn't around. Always be polite and respectful as they are your husbands family and he loves them but just distance yourself emotionally from them. Don't spend your time away from them feeling angry feel relieved that they are not there and enjoy your time with your own family without them!
A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (14 September 2007):
If you no longer live with his family why do you bad mouth them. Why not shut up about his family and concentrate on the happiness of you own family? Concentrate all of your thought on what you are doing in the here and now. I can see you are angry but I think you are really angry about something else. Why not mail me a list of 10 things not related to his family that, if they occurred, would make you the happiest?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): wow you are a brave woman.Why is your husband letting them treat you this way? you are having counselling session and surely he must ask you what you are talking about in them. If not why dont you ask your counsellor(if they havent suggested already) that he attend a few sessions with you, this would let him see how hurt you are at his family.You are strong for letting him still see his family but if you dont put your foot down now, it will be too late, he will ask you why you didnt say before and what has changed now that you have a problem with them.I think he is a very insecure man, if he let his brother come to you while he was at work and tell you to leave. At that point you should have stood your ground. Why would she want you to be like her daughters? did she want your husband, HER son to be with one of his sisters?For your sake and the sake of your girls stand up to this family, other wise they will expect the same treatment from their inlaws.You can do this. X
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