A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been with my husband for 13 yrs, married for 7. My husband told me 5 days ago that he went with another girl in the village and she has now informed him he is the father of her child. She is 9 yrs old!!He says she has only just told him and she is now asking for maintenance. I asked him to leave. He cheated 4 years ago when I'd just had my second child. I forgave him and blamed myself as our sex life has been far from perfect since i've had my kids. I feel so low at the moment, I feel for my kids and don't know what to do. Angry one minute, crying the next. He is so remorseful but we always argue, never talk and i think it is the end of the line for us.
View related questions:
sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2007): First of all, get the women to prove that your husband is the father of this child.
I think that maybe you and your husband should go on a break, and maybe the long term solution is to break up with him, this might be painful, but do you really want to be with a man you can't trust?
If you don't want to break up, try marriage councilling.
I disagree with Ponungalungb - married or not married, he still cheated, and just because he cheated twice, it should not mean automatic forgiveness.
Take care, love.
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (11 April 2007):
 You have to do what is best for you and your children.
As far as him fathering a child 9 years ago . . . according to your figures, you weren't married at the time. Right? Secondly, how does anyone know that he is the father of the 9 year old? The mother might be just trying to extort money. There are legal paths that have to be followed in order for someone to force another person to pay child support. She has to prove he is the father. 9 years have passed and she appears out of the blue? That seems odd to me. Where has she been for the last 9 years?
You forgave him for something 4 years ago when you were married to him. Why is it so difficult to forgive him for something that happened 9 years ago, before you were married to him?
I think you both need to communicate with each other. Marriage counseling might help.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2007): Leave the relationship, it is only causing both you and your children heart-ache. You gave him a second chance and he blew it. Don't blame yourself for his mistakes, leave and save yourself and your children from further agony.
Divorce can seem horrible now but the pain will go away with time, unlike being married to him which you are reminded every day of the past and its pains
...............................
|
