A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Around 4 clock in the morning my husband gets off of work. He decided to take the trash out this morning at that time. A single sheet of blank loose leaf paper was in front of our door when he went, Now he didn't think much of it until when he came back in front our door another one was there. We live inside of an apartment complex so it could be nothing because we're not the only people in this space. But the time of the morning being 4 o clock was really weird. He saw a man pull off shortly after and he was looking at the man and the man was looking at him. I've never seen this car before, so I'm not sure if this was a neighbor or not. My husband than asked if I ever cheated on him because this is suspicious to him. I have never cheated on my husband and I hate that he blames me for the weird actions of others. He felt as if the person had to be watching because within the few minutes it takes to take the trash out they had to put another sheet there and get completely out of the area before he spotted them. Would you think your spouse was cheating in this type of situation or do you agree with me that he's wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your answers. this is such a stressful situation for me. When our lease is up in January we just won't renew it. I can't take the strange occurrences and my husband thinking that I'm doing something wrong because of others senseless actions
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 I don't think the OP meant that he did have an affair or that it's a woman taunting them. I think her point was that with these strange and disturbing occurances, she doesn't jump to the conclusion that he had an affair, the way he is with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): WHOA!
so now you are being harassed by an actual known young woman? And your husband is aware of it?
Yes I hope you move soon and I would still bring to light you are being harrassed. Is it a fellow tenant?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree that some people don't accept our relationship. We're in the process of purchasing a home and trying to avoid having to move twice. It's just so much harder when he questions my fidelity behind the ignorant behavior of others. I am a victim of these childish acts too, and I get mad at him because I never once questioned if he had an affair with some girl and now she's taunting us.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (11 November 2011):
It seems like you may live in a community containing people who are not at all accepting of interracial relationships. Devils food and white cake mix? A condom? It seems like some sick twisted person or group of people is/are messing with you.I wouldn't be concerned you were cheating given the circumstances. I WOULD be concerned about my safety in a community that seems to frown upon my relationship choices and chooses to condone calling my child a mutt, and encourages blatant and creepy displays of racism aimed at me and my family (the cake, condom, and now looseleaf paper on which someone likely intended to write something aimed at your family).You may want to consider talking to your man about moving to a safer apartment complex when your lease is up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Now you say you have a daughter. Well I definitely say get the police involved. And if this behaviour of things being left in front of your door- also would have been helpful- suggests police and/or landlord should have been notified.
This is clearly a harassment/stalker issue so get on this ASAP. Its for your daughters, yours and everyone elses safety in the building.
May ask Landlord to post a notice that says REPORT any SUSPICIOUS people/incidents.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I don't think your husband should be so preoccupied with the whole cheating thing, but maybe there is an odd guy stalking you and his intentions may be far worse than sex. Make sure you do not open your door after dark when your husband is gone. Many women are raped in their own home by answering the door when they are alone. The stranger then just barges in and takes them by force. They usually have weapons which makes you afraid to fight. The paper could have been anything but he may have planned to leave you a note, or knock on the door and pretend he was selling something just to get you to put your guard down. I think you should be very careful at this point, not because your husband thinks you're cheating but because I think there is a man watching your house either to rob it, or rape you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. This is not the first time someone left something in front of our door. but it is the first time in a long time. There were instances that people left an unopened box of devil's black and white food cakes in front our door, condom, and different little things but it hasn't happened in a while. One woman even asked him if we were the one's with the mutt. Now this apartment doesn't allow pets and we have never had any type of animal here, So he took it as our daughter is mixed, mutts are mixed breed dogs,so she must have been talking about our daughter. I'm not intimidated by the situations I just wish he wouldn't try to blame some of it on me. I'm just as confused as he is.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (11 November 2011):
If your husband simply asked then I wouldn't call it an overreaction, but a case of warped priorities.Your husband finds a blank piece of paper on his doorstep, then another when he returns minutes later, and then a strange man watching him (or the house) at 4 in the morning and the first thought that comes to his mind isn't that YOU might be in danger, but that HE might be cuckolded. How does he know the man wasn't casing the place before breaking in and raping you?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): My hb works shifts, this includes night shift as well: bec of trust issues his work colleague used to lock his wife inside the house and take away the key. Yes the guys would all joke/mock this situation but this reality was so sad. This hb never trusted his wife bec she gave him reason to distrust her.
Now to your situation: your hb also works odds hours, so at 4 Am a stranger was lurking around. What was this sheet of paper anyway? Two things can/may happen:
This stranger knows your hbs routine. He knows u are alone in the home while hb is at work. He may be a burglar or a rapist?
This man was innocently there at the wrong time. Maybe there is some explanation for his presence? Perhaps he is doing another married woman while her hb is away at work???
Your hb is not "overreacting" (I am not talking about cheating ) My family and I try to be security conscious all the time. A threat comes in many form, not only physically. Is this man some "threat" to u and your hb? Only time will tell. You need to become very observant around you.
The mere fact that s stranger was "lurking" around your home at 4am on the morning, is a cause for concern. The question is : what was he doing there?
LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I think its time to take Hubby to the Family Doctor because that is some serious paranoia to conclude you are cheating on him because of two pieces of loose leaf.
And if anything, I would worry about everyones safety in the building as its all an odd situation that an unfamiliar man was in his car keeping eye on the building.
I would get hubby to call the police and have him tell the make and model of the car, the colour, give a description of the man, the time he was around the building, the day it was and just say it was all very suspicious and just wanted to give a heads up in case the information may be useful.
That man could have been looking for anyone in the building if Hubby is going on gut instinct. Always good to get the police involved in such cases.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I think your husband's overreacting. Even though it's kind of weird that the man would be out at 4 in the morning, staring at your husband. Your husband should believe you and has no right to not trust you unless you've given him reason not to. I wouldn't think my spouse was cheating on me if I had one and we were in this situation. I would just think of it as another weird scenario and move on with whatever I need to do. If he brings it up again, then reassure him that you have not cheated on him and tell him that you refuse to discuss it again because you can't be held accountable for the actions of strangers.
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