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male
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*oy_marina_logan
writes: I met my husband 5 five years ago over the internet. For the last 4 years we have been married and have one child together. In the past few years we have also had an almost perfect marriage up until last week. He recently moved down the street from his older borther and now he wants to spend all his time with him. When I told him I felt negected he told me to get over it. Out of the blue he snapped on me which included some physical abuse. Now I have to come to the decision whether I want to be with this man. ??????I have tried several times to sit down with him and it just goes around in a circle everytime. He told me to leave, but if I leave he will serve me with divorce papers and I am not ready for that yet. Just confused ! Any advice? Please help.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (5 August 2005):
Maybe you overreacted by telling him off about spending time with his brother-hes only been living nearby for a week and the novelty of this wouod probably have soon worn off.
However, your husbands reaction to the situation was grossly over the top.
You said he has been physically violent? Is this the type of environment you wish to bring your child up in? Do you want him/her to think that this behaviour is normal?
I was brought up in a verbally aggressive environment and have found it very hard to cope as an adult due to this,and im sure you would not want that for your child.
Make it clear to your husband that you are NOT going to put up with his behaviour any longer and he will have to either toe the line or lose you for good.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2005): I have intuition..this feeling, that this man has been mistreating you for awhile now. I may be wrong..just a sense I get from your letter. But it is obvious to me that NOW, he's mistreating you, because he is no longer in love with you and he wants out of the marriage. You describe it like he's frantic to get away from this marriage and I'm trying to fathom, how can a marriage go so sour in "one" week. Surely, there have been indicators to you..of trouble long before this. Women often stay with men like that because they have low self esteem and feel they don't deserve any better. Perhaps you may have been in denial. The physical abuse..the verbal abuse..his snapping on you...do you really want to stay with this angry man and expose yourself and your child to that. Leave! Learn to believe in yourself and know you do deserve happiness. Go make a new life for yourself. It really sounds like he has NO respect for you and he treats you like a dog...please go and seek some help from family and friends and get back on your feet without this man. Get that divorce and make sure he remains financially responsible for his child. Stay strong and take care of yourself and your child.
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