A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my husband but more often we seem like friends than anything else. No sentiments communicated on how much he loves me etc - does this just fade over the 8 years that its not necessary to tell it anymore? We seem to have grown apart and have very different interests and really cant find any common ground apart from sitting in the house watching tv. We dont have children. I love him but i cant stop thinking that someone else could make him happier and share his interests of watersports, skiing, adventurous things, travel, drinking. Im just a homebird who isnt at all adventurous and pressure to do these things is making me ill. Maybe thats why people break up cos they realise that a lifetime of differences is never going to work but for me its only a realisation now. I find he'd rather spend time with his mates than me and feel lonely in my marriage. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 March 2012):
 You two sound so different. What brought the two of you together in the first place?
Many marriages move from wild honeymoon passion, which is difficult to sustain over a long period of time, to a more relaxed pace, as habits and obligations outside the marriage return to the list of priorities.
I'd be curious to hear why you chose to marry him.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 March 2012):
 Nobody said marriage is easy.
A lot of couples that have been married for a while often cross this road. One day, you realize that you are quite different from one another and you have grown to comfortable in your daily routine. The statement that I am confused about in your post (and ultimately your motivation in writing here) is whether you feel he deserves better or do you feel you deserve better?
It does sounds like you need to break that routine, however. I suggest one of the following:
1) Plan a date night -- for this weekend. Do something that you haven't done for a while. Go bowling, go for a walk at a park you've never been to, see a movie + dinner. Make it a special night out.
2) Pick a day a few days in advance and treat it like Valentine's Day -- for him. Do something extra nice to show him you care and still love him. Make him a nice dinner and/or surprise him with a sexy evening. Remember how you treated him when you were dating? That's what you want to do that night.
3) Plan a vacation. Depending upon your budget, go someplace and have fun. It is something to get excited about and often times when you go someplace new you learn something about yourself and each other.
4) Finally, realize that as couples age, naturally their interests will deviate. Ultimately, it is love and the bond you have formed over the years that will determine whether you make "it" or break "it". If you still feel at a loss, I recommend you make a few trips to see a therapist on your own -- if nothing more than explain to get your feelings out in the open.
Don't let fear and self-doubt ruin what you have.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, amenthyst3356 +, writes (7 March 2012):
You need to talk to him and come up with a compromise. Maybe you do an activity he likes, he does one you like and then something you two did while dating. The rest of the time can be separate. Get the spark back.
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