A
female
age
,
*rs Fine
writes:Hi, I guess I'm writing because I need to vent to some body who does not know my husband and I. I've been married now 27 years. My husband has not handled situation in our marriage when I've needed protection or support in a situation. He is a good man and has always been here and paid the bills. Most of the last 20 years or so, he has not been: connected emotionally to me, romantic, given me gifts for anniversary, birthdays, Christmas or valentines. Sometimes, he would buy a card the last minute and not present it to me. I'd find it laying around the house several days later or in a bag unsigned. I feel like he just does not care. Although, I know he does at some level. He seems to be selfish. Everything is about him and what he wants. We connected and were madly in love our first 5 years. He was so romantic, and showed his love for me openly. We both were very athletic. That was the main connection of our relationship. We enjoyed taking turns beating one another or playing in: Baseball, racket ball, pool, ping pong, and tennis. He was the love of my life. I was the second wife. Although his family is controlling, they get together often. I was treated mean at times and as an outsider. My husband would ignore it. When I would talk to him about it, He would say,"Don't worry, it will get better". He has never dealt with it. They are very close to the X-wife. His X would be at most of the yearly parties. She is a trouble maker. She would start gossip about us, and grab my husband and give him a big kiss on the lips at their greetings. He would allow it and then be mad about it with me. Even though she did it yearly, he said he was surprised each time. He never asked her to stop kissing him at family events. I didn't confront her for years because she is the type of person who will cause a seen. I went to talk to her one year and my husband grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room. There was one or two years out of the 27 years, when my husband did not say hi to her because of what she kept doing. After 27 years now, we agreed that he will not hug her because she kisses him. This past year, she gave him a big hug,(2012), and then came by me and was rude. It's like he cares about her feeling more than mine. Each year he tells me,"I'll never let that happen again". It does. My husband won't do anything to protect me or our children from a difficult situation. He doesn't like conflict. When I bring something to his attention, he tries to convince me it's not really going on. It's so insulting. We have X renters who threatened to burn down out rental property. Our tires have had 5 tires with nails or pincher holes in them the past 2 weeks. He says it's not them. I feel disregarded and unappreciated. I am always put in the situation to be the protector, then I'm made the bad guy. Every one says he's nice. People know he won't protect me. Just to give you an idea of some of the things he has not protected from are:*Allowed his family to treat me mean.*Would not take a house key away from a male friend who kept trying to hit on me. He would walk in my bed room while nursing early in the morning. My husband was at work.*Allowed X wife to repeatedly kiss him.*Allow men to be mean to me.*Favor others over his wife and kids. He is always on there side.*Not protect his children.*Not talk to neighbors after destroying our property.*On the other persons side or neutral, when discussing an issue. I use to be a confident fun loving personality. Now I feel like an ugly insecure person. I've talked to him so many times, I'm tired. I don't discuss anything most of the time because It feel hopeless. What do you think?
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anniversary, at work, christmas, insecure, kissing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Zebra coat +, writes (12 November 2013):
This sounds so familiar! But like you I would also like direction! I feel isolated and unappreciated.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2012): I agree ! There is no way i would tolerate that at all . Im newly divorced after 30 yrs of Marriage . I will make sure that the next man i date or marry or even think about doing so with will stand up for me ! I think you should tell him he has got to go ! Tell him to grow some balls and be a man and take care of you before you find someone else that will do so ! We deserve to be treated with respect and protected by the men that say they love us if in fact they really do . I hope things get better or you move on ! Good Luck
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Mrs Fine: The only "question" in your submittal is a question for YOU!!! i.e. HOW LONG are you going to put up with this dismal treatment??? then, put your foot down and say, "I've had enough of your shoddy treatment. So, why don't you move to a different address????"
Good luck. It "sounds" like you've earned your freedom and liberation....
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