A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been married for nearly 20 years. I love him to bits and cant wait for him to come in and I know the feelings mutual. He's kind and caring towards me and my three children (aged 18, 16 and 15). My only problem is (if you can call it a problem?) he has a very low sex drive compared to me. Over the years he would be quite happy to have sex once over a period of 2 weeks to a month which I have gone along with. But for the last four months it has now completely stopped. I feel resentful even trying now and worry in case this is the end of it. He says he still fancies me and I know he doesn't want anyone else. Do you think this situation will change? I have tried everything and try to talk to him about the situation but it ends in tit-for-tat. What should I do now as I still love him and want us to be together, but I'm starting to feel like "Just a friend".
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): Ok, so it ends up tit for tat when you try to talk to him about it? That sounds confusing!
One thing we women forget is that men like to be appreciated and looked up to, and it sounds like you do that, but perhaps not often enough? Be mindful that your talk may sound like a complaint to him and this makes him withdraw further.
If he has no medical problems and can still maintain an erection then look for some other mental stressors, does he drink a lot, is he depressed or lost interest in other things he has liked to do but given up as well?
Urge him to get a complete physical and talk to him about his moods or troubles if you can.
If you want to have sex with him, when he comes home surprise him with a romantic setting, have some dinner, some wine, take a bath together or start by offering him a massage (lying down without all his clothes on) and then let your mind and hands wander, he will not be able to resist you....sometimes you just have to start with these kinds of men and once he gets into it he will be into it.
Try to get closer to him emotionally as well, let him see your heart and how much you miss him physically and how much you want him, too.....hang in there.....Men often stop having sex because they are angry about something they don't want to discuss....dig a little deeper see if you can't uncover his dominant reason for abstaining from sex.
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