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female
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anonymous
writes: is there anyone out there that has been through or currently going through what i am at the moment cause i could really do with different peoples opinions on this one, i did put something on here a few days ago but did not really explain very well, well here goes after twelve years my husband told me he does not love me as he should do any more but can not explain why he feels like this although he has said it is nothing i have done and that i have not changed and every thing in our marriage is great, he has told me he is not having an affair and i do believe him,we have a business which is in a bad way which is now affecting home finances, we have a nine year old boy with behavioural difficulties, and my husbands brother has been living with us free of charge since feb, my husband cant sleep has lost shed loads of weight in a very short time has an abccess that will not heal after a year i am now wondering if he is depressed because of all of the bad situations that are surrounding us.he has moved out my suggestion for a trial separation as he was at the point where he was going to walk and that would be the end of us, he is the first to make contact every day and he still wants to sleep with me and all of the intimacy is there does anyone think i am doing the right thing by giving him the space to try and sort his head
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): Unfortunately, I am going through the very same thing, although my husband doesn't even want to be intimate with me as he says this doesn't feel right. He's also denied having an affair and I too believe him. I believe it is down to depression, but until they admit this themselves, there really is nothing we can do. My husband wanted some space for a few days but I told him I needed at least a week as this has been going on for months now and I was losing my patience. If my husband makes contact again then I will suggest he goes to see a specialist and make it clear that I'll stand by him all the way and try and support him. But having said that, I'm also scared he's going to come back and say it's something else. I hope this kind of helps in some way, but I definitely think you should suggest going with him to see a specialist. Good luck. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): I am inclined to agree with your assessment, dear. The reason I say this? I went through the exact same thing with my marriage 6 years, ago. My husband who was my best friend, grew depressed and sadly, we never did find our way back to each other. I was so hurt and stubborn! I wished someone had told me to hang in there..because I'd be coming up to almost 30 years of marriage and my family wouldn't have been so devastated by the divorce. But I learned a lot. Sometimes, married folk have hard times, with everything else aside from their marriage and they will lash out at the one person, they love the most. It sounds like he does love you but he doesn't love himself and he doesn't feel worthy of you. By what you say, he is stressed out..which has affected his self-worth, thus causing him to be depressed. Your marriage has hit a difficult time and your husband is floundering. If I were you...I'd take the bull by the horns, be strong and help him. When a loved one is faltering in life, we do all we can to help. First of all, have him go in for a medical check up. Losing weight and an abcess that hasn't healed in a year, sounds serious. His physical health is taking a beating. Talk to the doctor yourself and get some input on how to help him. He may recommend counseling for the depression. Your husband sounds lost to me and you have to help him find himself again. Perhaps once he does get healthy again, he will find his way back to you. I truely wish you well, hun...keep us updated on how you do. Good Luck!
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