A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband is always telling me that he looks at other women but does not drool or make inappropriate comments about them. The other day i called my husband and his phone was in his pocket and picked up without him knowing. I heard him talking to his friends about another woman and how hot she was and grunting and making noises because she was so hot. they were looking at a dirty magazine. So i called back and asked what he was doing and he lied and said he was busy at work. I already have trust issues with him because of him lying about stupid stuff like porn before so now this really got to me because he lied about what he was doing and that he doesnt talk about other women like that. I just feel like he is acting like a different person in front of me than in front of everyonelse. Im not saying that i would be ok with him drooling over other women but if that is who he is and what he does on a regular basis then i would like for him to not hide it from me. If he lies about this kind of stuff to me then what else will he lie about? Is this a normal thing for guys?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 You found out about the porn, you didn't like it, so now it appears he doesn't use it. Now you found out he finds other women attractive, if you tell him off about this, he'll make sure you never hear him talk like this again.You feel like his pretending in front of you, and acts different with everyone else. But of course he is, that's how most men act. Women get offended about things, which include porn or other women, but that's what men like. Instead of getting into a fight, most men just act differently around women.You want him to act naturally around you, but you disapprove of who he is and what he does. What do you expect him to do but pretend.Yes, this is normal, this is how most men act around women and you don't find this out unless your willing to accept them with all their faults and learn how to be a friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): If he was with his friends, he could've done those things to "fit in." He might not have wholeheartedly meant them. If he doesn't mean them and is putting on a show, then he isn't really hiding anything from you.However, blatantly lying about his whereabouts is another thing. Unless he was looking at the magazine at work (which probably violates all sorts of workplace conduct codes), he was fibbing to you. Such a lie seems like he has something to hide.Don't be overly suspicious or investigative, but do keep your eyes open. I understand that you have a form of trust issue, but sometimes that gut feeling means something.If you feel like your relationship is open enough, you could tell your husband that his phone answered in his pocket and that you heard these things. Tell him you were a little surprised and upset that you did ... then leave it at that. That way, he knows he was caught and he knows you aren't happy, but you didn't lecture him about it. If he wants to talk civilly about it, that's an option, but you didn't start an argument by just mentioning that this was something that happened.
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