A
female
age
41-50,
*anting him back
writes:My husband of thirteen years left me about two months ago. I cheated on him about a year ago and he said that he will never forgive me. Since he has been gone, I have acted like a nut case. following him, calling him at all hours of the night, begging him for a chance, pushing myself on him. We have had sex several times and he has told me almost on a daily basis that he will give it a chance. If we can get along for a couple days we will go from there. Just when we get into it and he'll say it is over and I beg and the cycle begins again. He said that if I would not have acted like this he would have been back. He says he is seeing two different women he feels stronger for one than the other. but he still says he loves me and would come home if we could get along. The past couple of days our fights have escalated and now he says he is filing a restraining order and harasment charges. I just feel out of control because he will call me and say things like "why did you do this or that?" and then I'll try to ask him about him being or talking to the other women and he says he does not have to explain himself to me - then hang up and then not answer for a day. So I am calling and calling. just yesterday he told me that he loved me and just needed some time to himself without any woman. He promised not to talk to them either. I left him alone, trying to respect him, and I find out that he is with one in a hotel room last night. I begin to try to call him. so he calls me and says that that's it he is filing charges. My question is, is it too late??? If I back off, will he come around, or have I pushed him too far??? I love him and we have two children. any advice I will try, please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Thanks for keeping us posted; I am very happy to hear you are holding strong; do take good care of yourself; do breathing exercises if need be; but stay calm and proof to him that you are in controll of yourself;
I know it is difficult, but be strong;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
A
female
reader, wanting him back +, writes (25 July 2008):
wanting him back is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are getting along alot better. He has been calling me and telling me every move he is making. He says that if we get along for a couple of days that we will go from there. I am having alot of trouble trusting him, I am trying to get better. It is getting easier to believe him, but I am affraid of being made a fool of.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): well..you cheated on him for a reason. You probably weren't getting the emotional needs. I hate to tell you but if you get him back all you're problems will still be there.
Right now..he's probably loving the fact that he's desirable by so many women. So of course he's not giving that up. Not to mention a variety of sex.
He's going to milk this one, and then you have to work hard at earning his trust back.
If i were you, I would let this go. You need to sit down and think if this is really HIM you want back. or the rejection by him is hurting you..so that's why you're going crazy. just stay calm, and level headed. If walking away is not an option. I say sit back and wait for him to come to you. If he doesn't, let it go.
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A
female
reader, wanting him back +, writes (20 July 2008):
wanting him back is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsince I posted he called me and said that he was with one of his women, and that if I left him alone for the day and let him properly end it with her, he would come spend the entire day with me tomorrow. and that he would call me back later tonight. I have not attempted to contact him at all. I am realy trying to respect him. but on the same token, I am not getting my hopes up, because he has told me countless times that he has ended it with them and continued to talk to them. I don't realy expect him to call tonight, but I realy think he will come over tomorrow because he misses the children. I am scared for him to come over because, I do not want to hear his promises again. I want him back, but he has told me over and over that he wanted to try and he would break it off with them he even goes as far as to say that he told them just for me to find out later that he didnt. Why would he tell me he is ending it with them and not? He also said that he was just mad about filing charges, he was not going to. So now do yall think it is still too late?? if I continue to act calmly will he come around?? He said that if I just chill out he would consider working on us. My game plan is when he comes over tomorrow, just act normal, and not even talk about "us" just focus on the kiddos. what cha think????
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 July 2008):
 What a mess.
At best, he is very confused with his feelings for you because you cheated. This would explain some of his behavior but not all of it.
More likely is that he is either having his revenge by toying with OR using your cheating as an excuse to have to some action himself. The two might be connected.
Frankly he left you two months ago and already is messing around with two other women? That is some fast moving, seems he was awfully prepared to get back into action.
Either he is glad to be out of there or seeking to hurt you in revenge for what you put him through. Either way, you need to back off to let him cool off and decide what he wants.
As for yourself, you said you cheated and that is not. No reasoning, no excuses. Are you expecting it to be over and forgotten just like that? Would you just be able to forgive him if he did the same?
I get the feeling that you two had a very troubled relationship to start with and that perhaps it is for the best if you two give each other space to sort out your own lifes before even attempting to talk things over let alone get back together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): You are in need of help URGENTLY; you have to think not only of yourself but also your children; if you continue with this behaviour pattern you are not just doing damage to your kids; but he might even flie for custody of your children;
I understand that you are hurting but you are making matters worse for yourself; you need to consult with your doctor; he might be able to prescribe some medication to help you to be more calm and ask him to refer you to a good therapist;
I suggest you stop contacting and harrassing your husband; this is making matters worse; Your behaviour is pushing him away from you and is destroying any chance of getting together;
I suggest you get HELP urgently; pull yourself towards yourself; get your act together; maybe then if he notice that you have changed he might re-consider hie decision; but for now I think you have to accept the fact that he is not going to rush back.
I know this sounds harsh, BUT you have only yourself to blame; now stop this behaviour before you do more damage to your children and or loose your children too.
This is a long road ahead for you; but with the right help and if you are determined to better yourself; you will survive this and can find happiness again.
Get Professional help;
My thoughts are with you;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
Keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, Peterk5699  +, writes (19 July 2008):
 I'm sorry to say it but I'm afraid it is too late. You've acted like a stalker to him and on the edge of being psychopathic and he has a right to not want to be with you.
You've annoyed and upset him to the point or him filing a restraining order.
I'm sorry to put it bluntly but you don't have a chance with him I'm afraid. You've pushed him over his limits and it's fair do's to him that he will file charges etc.
I know this will hurt but you're going to have accept the fact he won't take you back no matter how much you beg.
It's time you moved on.
Good luck!!
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