A
female
age
41-50,
*hlw29
writes:My husband seems to be doing better as of this week. But as a general rule he is constantly getting into the bank account and taking money. He doesn't tell me this or include it on the ledger so we have bounced numerous checks and have had repeated financial problems. He always attributes these expenditures to everyday needs, but this is getting old and I don't buy it. He knows he is screwing us over financially, and still choses to write checks for cash and take cash advances on credit cards, hiding the bills and statements. He has bounced checks to my mom and our son's school. How would you react to this crap?
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male
reader, savoirefaire +, writes (3 September 2010):
I had this same issue with my ex wife, and I took her off the joint account, cancelled all of the joint cards, and handled all of the bills myself. She was not putting money into the account for the household expenses, so why should her name be on my account. You need to sit down with your husband and be very hard on him. Put those bills and bounced checks in his face and have him explain what's going on. The shcok should bring him into reality. It did my ex.
A
female
reader, Crazy-Candice  +, writes (16 August 2009):
 Ahh It's a horrible feeling that, to know someone is acting so irresponsibly and inconsiderate. My father is exactly the same
taking money and even giving/loaning it to people when theres not even enough to pay the bills.
I realise here it is a very deep problem and though confrontation may straighten things up temporarily it does nothing for the underlying problem.
I do suggest taking a less passive role, You're sure he needs you right? What does he need? You could try finding a way of compromise. Does he know exactly how you feel?
Although normally I would suggest sitting him down and having a stern conversation - you explaining his behaviour is unacceptable, I know that with men being not as good listeners and with their habit of dismissal and not being able to express their own emotions that it may just be futile.
For now I suggest you could still try this. After all don't let it all just be a vicious cycle (every couple argues about money really)
If all fails just let go of the situation, take independancy in some of your own finances to gain some control. Relax, I'm sure he won't let things get too bad. Just know that in life & relationships there is no resolve and theres many problems. Focus on what attracts you together and build on it, have a romantic night or go for a meal to ease the tension and remind you why you love each other to begin with.
Just know that money issues are always there even within close families and house shares its ALWAYS an issue.
:)
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A
female
reader, dhlw29 +, writes (16 August 2009):
dhlw29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the help.
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A
female
reader, haley92 +, writes (16 August 2009):
my best guess would be to open your own account! u seem to be the responsible one. many people who open joint bank accounts like this often have this problem! i would take what money you have left if there is any and open a new account and keep it under your name. that is all i know!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (16 August 2009):
 I think you sound incredibly patient, as I wouldn't put up with this sort of behaviour - it comes down to a matter of respect. He shouldn't be placing you under financial strain or embarrassment from bouncing cheques. However some people have no restraint when it comes to money and if you don't act, he will just continue with this. I suggest you set up a separate bank account of your own - take your name off the joint account so you are not liable for his debts. Household bills and your personal expenses can be paid out of this account since you are the responsible one. You can then ask for his contribution to the running of the household accordingly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): This man sounds good for nothing. He can't seem to provide. He can't seem to be honest about what he's spending his money on. And that he is spending it. When you are really old, will you be financially secure? Will he care for you if you age and get sick faster. Does he only care about where he wants to go with you? Happy woman are with good providers. In their old age they like a nice home, nice street and preferably by the beach. Other woman get there, why not you?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (16 August 2009):
If I were in your shoes, I would set up a separate account that doesn't have his name on it and use that for things that NEED to get paid. So when he goes to the joint account and can't get any money out, too bad so sad, the bills had to get paid. As far as the credit card goes, not much you can do about that unless you just have him as an authorized user on the account. He also needs to realize that he can also get himself into trouble with the banks. If the account goes negative and can't get paid back, the bank will close the account and report it to chexsystems. And what happens with that is he and you can't open a bank account somewhere else.
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