A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and ihave been married 7 years. He has been not doing so well in his business and I have been paying all the bills. He is always upset about everything I do. I stay home all day with kids and go to work at night. I asked him to take our son to school on his way to work and he was upset that I asked him to do this. I always take him, I just ask every once in a while. ( maybe three times a year) He does however take my oldest to practice and games when I'm working and cares for the other children. I never ever throw it in his face that I'm taking care of all these responsibilities but according to him I am still not doing enough as far as house work, ect. My house isnt always spotless, I do laundry everyday, dishes, vaccumn, bathrooms once to twice weekly. I work at night get home around 12 to 1:30, get up make breakfast, pack lunches, take child to school, make lunch for at home children, pick up kids, run errands ect. Then I drop kids off at his office and head to work around 5-5:30. I come home and start all over. Is this an insecurity with him and I should ignore? I've tried to talk openly about this but he is VERY defensive..what should I do or say to him without hurting his feelings? I'm tired of mine being hurt as well. Communicating with him is impossible. He thinks he knows everything and cannot be told anything. Very frustrating...Help!!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Honey if you pay all the bills HE should be doing the housework. Or at the very least not dogging you just because you forgot to pick up a dirty sock or something.
Defensive...hmm. He could be guilty and ashamed. When people get over defensive its because they don't want to realize a particularly uncomfortable truth about themselves or their situation. I'm sure he feels at least a bit shamed that he is not the principal bread winner in your household. Men do feel that pressure to be the one that provides the most, even in this more "enlightened" time.
As to him being upset with you, that's just him funneling his personal discontent at you. He seems to find you an easier target than himself. Many people do this.
I could be wrong, but I'm afraid he will not change much from his present demeanor until he can start taking pride in what he adds to your household. So... make him feel more valuable somehow. You would know better than I how to do this.
That is, if you are not just fed up by now from him not showing appreciation for you.
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