A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need help! I have a husband who is ready to leave because he is just not happy! He can't tell you why but will tell you that it's our relationship! His moods change with me and everyone else including his children! I believe he is depress and refuses to seek help! Even a conselor told him that she believed he was depressed! Now he has decided to move out and we have to tell our two young children and his son from a previous relationship! I don't know what to do! I don't want him to leave but I know I can't hold him! His cold hearted feelings towards me is killing me inside! What should I do? What do I say to our children when I don't agree with the separation? Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): Yes he does have his mom talking to him about possible depression and of course me! But he doesn't want to hear it from me! He won't go to a doctor for a cold moreless depression! I have been making sure the kids are the first priority and I always will! The really sad part is that if he doesn't fix what is wrong with him (which I can't do) then our relationship will really be done! And I know this sounds selfish, but I can't imagine myself without my kids for a weekend or a week, etc. I will be lost! And I have NO control! I have to sit and wait and pray he realizes we still have something to work on! I appreciate your thoughts and prayers!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Eek, if he's not willing to get help for himself and refuses to try to save the marriage, there's not a whole lot you can do. That's awful to hear. What on earth could he be thinking? Maybe the depression has got him in its grip and is messing with his emotions and he can't be rational.
I don't know how old the children are, but I think you should do everything you can to preserve his relationship with them, even though you can't save yours at the moment. Let them know that their daddy is really really sad right now, it's like being sick and he needs to go away to get well. He loves them very, very much and wants them to be happy, but because he's not all well himself, he needs to get help himself. Something like that, I think. I could be very wrong and there'll be another aunt here who can give you better words to use.
Are you close with his family, his siblings or his parents? This would be something that you might be able to approach them on too. If they're aware of this, they might be able to talk with him as well. I think depression can be very difficult to deal with if he doesn't get some outside help.
Another suggestion I have is to make him an appointment with his doctor; there may be a physical reason for this, and there are drugs and therapies that could help him. I know you said he refused it, but it's worth trying again. It could just be some sort of chemical imbalance. Or it could be a mid-life crisis.
Is everything else in his life normal? His job? His friends? Does he drink or use drugs?
One other option to consider would be some type of intervention with the counselor involved. You'd have to talk with the counselor about if this is even possible, but it can't hurt to ask. What do you have to lose? If he has close friends or family that could be involved, again only with the counselor's agreement and if he or she considers it a good idea, it may drive home to him how his behavior and choices are affecting others.
I do wish you well, make sure you are taking care of yourself. Eat right, get enough sleep if you can, make sure that you eliminate as many stressors as you can and stay healthy!
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Even though you dont agree with it you have to let him do this. You simply tell the children that although both of you love them very very much, mum and dad need a bit of time away from each other. Dont make any false promises and if they ask you straight out if its forever say you just dont know at the moment. Make sure he still sees the kids regularly and try to be polite and civil in front of them, very very hard but I am proof it can be done.
As for your husband, is he taking anything for his depression or refusing to believe anything is wrong? It could be a mid-life crisis and the only one to rid himself of the negative thought patterns is himself. Ask him to return to the counsellor or see his gp, not necessarily for the sake of your marriage but for him as he needs to sort this problem out before he will even begin to look at whether or not he wants to return to the family home. Tell him you still love him but respect the fact that he needs this space, ask him to be honest every step of the way and keep you informed but dont pester or nag him to return. I truly hope you can sort this out x
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