A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married now for eleven years. It's not a bad marriage, but we have our problems like everybody else. My husband has always worked in factories as an unskilled labourer. He is concerned that this may not be a long-term job option for him, as many employers favour younger employees (they can pay them less for one thing). He doesn't have any idea what profession he wants to get into, and isn't willing to make many sacrifices in order to change his life. I have offered to support us for a couple of years if he wants to go back to full-time education, but his experience with school was not good and he refuses to do this. As he works nights, he is limited in the part-time courses he can undertake. I am trying to be supportive, but it seems that he is not willing to change things to make his future more secure.I'm reaching my limit; i've suggested he see a career counsellor and he agrees but then does nothing. I'm worried that if he is laid off in the future, he will have no job prospects. I'm annoyed that he cannot see this is a very real possibility, and given that i'm happy to support us both while he retrains, i can't understand why he won't at least investigate this option.Does anybody else have experience in this area? My husband is 38 by the way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): I'm the original poster. Thank you both for your considered replies. I definitely think that he's still young at 38, and has loads of time to decide what he wants to do. He has often mentioned training to be a mechanic, even though he's not that into cars. I have encouraged this, but he says that he's not willing to put in 4 years as an apprentice. I guess that he just wants things to be easy. Don't we all!
I am not going to mention the subject again to him; he will have to make the big decisions himself. I would hate to see him unhappy at work for the rest of his life though; life's too short for that.
Thanks again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): It's a big step to change directions in life. I bet he is a bit depressed deep down about the situation. Even though you mean well - he may feel pushed and threatened by the way you are. Talk to him gently and see if there is anything that he would like to do or try. There are lots of different course to try and maybe he just needs to talk to someone else. Maybe a trip to the jobcentre and a word with someone in the know. He is quite young yet at 38.Don't let anyone tell him that he is too old to train for something else. I let someone talk me out of nursing at the age of 39, big mistake. My friend went on to do it, loves it and is getting on well.
Be there for him and be very sympathic, but i bet he is feeling really down in the dumps inside.
He is so lucky to have you around who care for him.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (27 March 2007):
 I think your husband has a confidence problem with finding alternative jobs.
If this has become a a big issue between you, maybe you need to not talk about it for a while.
Because he has a "unskilled" job doesn't mean there's not lots of other options out there. Does he have a hobby he could turn into a job? for example decorating, cars etc.
He needs to find something that will get him excited about retraining, it's scary to change something that you have known all your life, he may feel his age is against him (although it's not) or he may not be happy about you keeping the both of you whilst he retrains. Is there promotion prospects where he works now? Does he have a works pension? or a private pension?
Maybe you partners happiness should be more important than what job he does.
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